Archive for Airline Safety

Please to be putting the buckle in the fitting, my friend. Now be sitting quietly. Thank you come again.
It takes a water landing before Hiranyabindu Rammaswammi Hemapuspaka Paprichaat Chattopadhyay will bathe.
Thank you come again.

In case of an emergency, open door, mount flying carpet and get away quickly. Thank you come again.

Please secure your own hookah mask before helping others, my friend.
Thank you come again.

The REAL reason airlines ‘lose’ luggage.
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Aug
26

Airline Safety 2007 – Part II

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Sorry sir, this raft is apparently for white people only.

When stealing briefcases, backpacks, or purses, never use right hand.
Don’t sit down on the slide like a pussy, JUMP and slide like a man!
Buddy, if I could do that, I’d never leave the house!

No Smoking at any time. Not when the plane goes up erratically, straightens out, or descends wildly.
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Aug
25

Airline Safety 2007

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OK, the baby is over my head… NOW WHAT?!?
Always place briefcases next to to soccer ball bags, never on top.
Sorry ma’am, these detailed instructions are meant for our more blonde passengers.

Huffing paint can lead to really weird and very bad hair.

So… Timmy, ever seen a grown man naked?
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May
08

Airline Safety Part Five

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Another reason to upgrade. Economy passengers only get floating hot water bottles.

How Business class deals with fire.

How Economy class does.

‘Mommy, is this a good touch or a bad touch?’

No Smoking Allowed, not even after you join the Mile High Club.

This goes for you too, Fidel.

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May
08

Airline Safety Part Four

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Part four of the continuing series of airline safety captions:

To practice safe flying, hold tip and unroll to base of airplane, leaving empty space for reservoir tip.

In the event of a water landing, don’t think about how many farts have soaked into your seat cushion.

If you end up sitting next to these twins, you have NOT won the seat lottery.

WINNER!!

DO NOT point at this thing.

Out of a possible ten, four style points are awarded for creative exiting.

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