Archive for Airline Safety
Feb
02
Airline Safety – Part Three
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Follow the Hunchback to Notre Dame.
This is not a cellphone.
You’re pretty much fucked, pal.
In case of excessive drinking the night before, please assume this position.
Las Vegas flights are equipped with convenient slot machine trainers.
Feb
02
Airline Safety – Part Two
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After sliding down fun party slide, Do the Hokey Pokey, and turn yourself around… That’s what it’s all about!
Synchronized sliding is encouraged!
When descending to strange new worlds, please use caution on the stairs.
Babies are more bouyant than seat cushions. In the event of a water landing, if there is a baby nearby, grab it!
Many plane crashes can be attributed to very tiny, fragile landing gear.Feb
02
Airline Safety – Part One
Posted by: | CommentsIn the month of January alone, I flew over 14,000 miles on Delta Airlines. Every single one of those flights started with a safety briefing, the extremely optimistic speech from flight attendant about what to do in the event of a crash. For people too dense to understand these ridiculous demonstrations, the airlines helpfully provide cartoons. But the cartoons don’t have captions.
Until now:
In case of Peeping Tom, light house on fire, or alternately, display strange modern art.
In case of Peeping Tom, light house on fire, or alternately, display strange modern art.
If you REALLY can’t figure it out, just stay home, moron!
In the event of boredom, complementary bongs will drop from secret stash, followed shortly by snack tray.
If you managed to make it all the way to step ten, realize you are still in the middle of the ocean, and in for a VERY long night.
For Happy Landing, shake handle vigorously using this motion.
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