Shock. Horror. Dread.

Sadness.

This intense mix of emotions hits me like a jolt of electricity as I turn the page of the calendar. September? Already? How the hell did THAT happen? An entire summer flew by, and I had, what… two semi-decent rides to show for it?

I grab a nearby paper towel to dab at my tears, then suddenly think of something better to do with the towel, something to take the sadness away. Ripping open my multi-color Sharpie package, a full color design starts taking shape in front of my tear-streaked eyes.

The Last Ride of ’09 Map-Kin

Satisfied, I sit back to look at my newly created ride map sketch. Not bad at all. But would this ride even be possible? There’s really only one way to find out.

I take my Map-Kin to the Boss for explanation, and hopefully, approval.

Starting my pitch, I rationalize to my girlfriend Fiona (a.k.a Sleeping Beauty for her ability to take naps on the back of a rapidly moving motorcycle) that sometime last year, the FJRforum sponsored a group buy on suspension upgrades. Every review I read about the fork upgrade was stellar, and made it sound like something I needed to do for my trusty Yamaha FJR, a.k.a Rain Cloud Follows. Not being one to ever leave well enough alone, I signed up for the group buy, telling the shop – GP Suspension in Oregon City, Oregon – that I would likely ride up in the spring to have the work done.

Spring sprung, and my riding buddy Dark Meat Snack and I left California for Houston on the Road to Wrestlemania, with the plan in mind that we’d just head back from Houston to California via Oregon – naturally- and I’d get the fork-ectomy performed then. We got close to GP Suspension on the way home, but time ran out and I wasn’t able to have the work done. Spring turned into summer, which magically (or is that tragically?) turned into September.  Now that fall is almost here, being that much older, that much wiser and that much closer to the retirement home, I reason, what better time could there be to go than right now?

She didn’t buy it. I have to sweeten the deal, so I explain the entire crudely doodled map to her.

“What if,” I ask, “on the ride up, we rent a romantic cabin on the ocean to watch the sunset, then stay a few days in Napa, drinking wine, riding on the Wine Train, going hot air ballooning, checking out a few other quirky sights in Central California, then ride up and explore the Oregon Coast, spelunk some caves, admire Crater Lake, and,” I throw in with a quick shrug, “maybe even get the fork work done?”

My Jedi mind trick works. That revised plan gets the Sleeping Beauty Seal of Approval. Either that or she just knows I’ll whine until she agrees.

As always, my plans are ambitions, distances on some days are necessarily huge, and, as usual with my huge, ambitious plans, it almost falls apart before it starts. Why? The romantic cabin on the ocean is over five hundred miles from home, meaning that to reach it by sunset on Thursday, we’d have to leave on Wednesday. The big deal? Two of them, actually.  First, I flew in from Cleveland on Wednesday and Sleeping Beauty worked all night Tuesday. Needless to say, our motivation to put in a few hundred miles was a little low on Wednesday.

The other wrinkle was taken care of by the airlines, so it was never really a problem, just a disappointment. Every year the Adventure Rider website sponsors a rider from another country to come to the US and ride a borrowed bike for about two months. This year’s lucky Adventure Rider rider, Mr. Lu Fei from Beijing, China, was scheduled to land at LAX a half hour after I did. Agreeing that rider sponsoring is a good thing for international motorcyclist relations, and wanting to be a small part of it,  Fiona and I planned to be on the ‘Adventure Rider Greeting Committee’ for Lu Fei. Thanks to air traffic control, angry travel gods, or just plan shitty luck, my flight was delayed just long enough to miss the big meet ‘n greet. This probably contributes to my less-than-sunny mood on Wednesday.

By the time we get home around 2PM, we’re practically talking in our sleep at each other as we struggle to pack and leave.

Ever the voice of reason, Fiona asks, “Why don’t we just get up super early tomorrow, like four in the morning, suck it up and just ride all the way to the cabin?”

“As long as we get there by sunset, that sounds good to me.” With that decision made, we’re quickly asleep.

The West Coast has been my adopted second home for about four years. As an East Coast transplant, it took me a while to realize that California has four distinct seasons: Earthquake, Mudslide, Wildfire and Deficit.

For the past week, it’s been Wildfire season, and the nearby San Gabriel Mountains have hosted the Annual California Campfire Competition, a fun contest that was still pretty much out of control. All night long, thick brown smoke filled the air and white ash fell like snow. Seems we picked the perfect season for our little getaway.

Four in the morning arrives far too early, we’re barely awake before we realize we’re actually leaving town on Rain Cloud Follows. The sunrise through the haze of forest fire smoke is spectacular, and, as an added bonus of the early hour, traffic is very light.

Our first stop is Starbucks, because about an hour into the ride, Sleeping Beauty is already exhibiting her trademarked back-of-bike head nodding behavior. While she’s inside ordering, a woman comes over to me and says, “Oooh! Going on a Labor Day trip?”

“Yup, We’re heading to Napa.”

“Napa! Oh my God! You’re just the best boyfriend ever! “

I nod over towards Fiona, saying, “Tell her that, she didn’t think so at four this morning.”

Smiling, the woman walks away saying, “Really, you’re the best! You could advertise on Craigslist!”

Before Fiona could finish writing my Craigslist ad, another guy comes up to us. He has that knowing look on his face.

“Man, I really envy you guys right now. I wish I could go riding. My bike is in pieces in my garage. Well, actually, it used to be my brother’s bike, but he had an enemy that smashed all the fairings with a hatchet, and now I’m trying to fix it.”

With enemies like that…

Finally On Our Way

Properly caffeinated, we leave the now congested highway for the much more laid back pace of Route 33, one of my favorite roads. Until our last day of the ride, this will be the last we’ll see of anything that resembles an interstate. On the way towards the coast, Fiona made the same friend that Unleaded and I did a few months ago on the Milk Run Marathon:

Fiona and Friend – September 2009

Me, Keith and Friend – March 2009

Clear of the thick smoke from the fires, Sleeping Beauty and I engage the sun in a race. The finish line? Jenner, CA at River’s End Cabins. The major obstacle? San Francisco rush hour. But first, we enjoy hours of pleasant winding through vacant two lane roads in some amazing Golden State scenery.

In the interest of winning our race with the sunset, we opt for the less scenic and more direct Route 101 instead of the Pacific Coast Highway. This saves us some time, but puts us right in the middle of San Francisco at the height of rush hour, never a fun place to be. Even armed with my superior directional navigation abilities, a San Francisco map and a GPS, the Golden Gate Bridge still manages to elude me for nearly an hour.

There It Is!

On the other side of the madness, I opt for the curvier and infinitely better Pacific Coast Highway, though I know we are most likely going to lose our race with the fast-approaching sunset. I hammer through the tight PCH corners like Valentino Rossi – well, not the Valentino Rossi that crashed out of the Indianapolis Moto GP race, more like the Valentino Rossi that humiliated the entire field at the Misano race.

So close.

Still the Best Day Ever, even if we lost our race and watched the sunset from a parking lot instead of a private cabin deck.

Tomorrow, the real fun begins as two motorcycling beer snobs invade wine country.

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