My First View of Iraq in 2007

Now the fun really begins. Most people, after a twenty-one hour flight would find the nearest stationary bed, but not us! We didn’t come to Iraq to sleep. Oh no. The WWE Corporate Retreat motto is; ‘You’ll get enough sleep when you’re dead.‘ So that meant, as always, get straight to work.

So we did. Our C-17 is quickly unloaded, the TV crew and WWE Superstars are separated into four groups, some of which will be donning helmets and flak jackets to visit forward operating bases in fun-sounding places like Taji, Tarmiyha, Balad, and Mosul, and some of which – for example my group, The Helmet-less Heroes – will be staying behind at Camp Speicher and transforming a dusty soccer field into a glamorous WWE arena.

Cameraman Marty Miller Remembers to Bring His Camera Along

But first, breakfast. Other than the to-go food in Germany, we’d lived on chicken wraps and beer for the past day. The Setup group headed to the DFAC (Dining Facility) for some chow. The DFAC at Camp Speicher is incredible, short order cooks will make omelets to order, and the food is always fresh and delicious. No MRE’s here! At the entrance, next to the poster for our show, I found evidence that some soldiers at Camp Speicher were pretty bored. A scale model of an attack helicopter was on display – made almost entirely from duct tape!

90% Duct Tape + 100% Boredom = Cool Model Helicopter

At the back of the dining hall was a place setting for two, surrounded by pictures, a somber tribute to fallen soldiers.

After breakfast, we were escorted to our quarters. Normally, our home away from home has been a 30 man tent, but this year we were in for a real treat.

2006 – Home Sweet Hell

2006 – Interior of Home Sweet Hell

2007 – Yeah Baby! Swwwankytown!

With a cheer, our bus drove past Tent City, and stopped at what looked like college dorms. I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes. What an upgrade! There had to be some mistake. Our Five Star accommodations used to be the Iraqi pilot’s quarters. Apparently, the Iraqi pilots used to live pretty well, at least comparatively speaking. Our building had five rooms that would house four people each. Our own toilet and shower, just for us! Best of all, no nightly snoring symphony to endure. So far, this trip was turning into the best one yet!

Inside Swwwankytown – Doesn’t Get Better Than This! Hooooo-ahh!

Properly fed and checked in, it was time to start the real work. By 9 AM we made our way to the makeshift arena. We had two short days to prepare for the show, scheduled for Friday at noon. Soldiers assigned to help with setup began unloading our pallets. Their leader barked, “Remember, do not put big things on top of small things! Do not put heavy things on top of light things! Use your common knowledge!” I had to laugh.

Instant Production Tent – Just Add Gear.

The tent that would become our production ‘truck’ was already in place, though that place turned out to be wrong. A problem? Not at all. Twenty soldiers lined up, grabbed an end, and moved the tent to the right spot. No bitching, no whining, just action.

While Groups One, Two and Three flew off in Black Hawk helicopters to visit with the troops in various Forward Operating Bases, the Helmet-less Setup Group snapped into action. Road cases were placed and opened, and the Production Tent jigsaw puzzle began to take shape. Cables snaked between cases, patch cords were patched, more wires were run, monitors and audio consoles were placed, and everything took shape.

Dave, Patrick and I set up the Time Lapse Cameras, the Second Most Important Thing on the Show, After Everything Else.

Unbelievably, we had some old friends drop by. Sergeant Marx, one of the soldiers that helped us set up in Afghanistan two years ago just happened to be based at Camp Speicher. It was a little strange to see a familiar face considering where we were, and how many soldiers there are in the Middle East, but then, maybe this Tribute really is becoming routine?

SFC Marx Joins The Team – Once Again

Later in the day, we managed to sneak away to the PX, a sort of military Wal-Mart. Patrick spent more money in that store than he was getting paid for the show I think. I bought a few little things, including a floppy camouflage hat embroidered with ‘Frenchy’ in both English and Arabic.

I’m still not sure of my feelings about buying swag for a war, but the coffee at the Green Bean – a Starbucks knock-off – was good, and if Burger King or Subway was open, I probably would have enjoyed some bad American fast food with no problem at all.

That’s Right – Burger King and Subway, in Tikrit, Iraq!

After we returned, a soldier approached me as I stood outside the tent. Pointing at the rapidly setting sun, he said, “The most beautiful thing about this place, in fact the only beautiful thing about this place, is the sunset.” We both stood there for about ten minutes and watched as the sky transformed from pale pink to vibrant orange and red then to purple, and finally got back to work as it faded to black.

He was right; the sunset was beautiful, though it happened quickly. Once the sun set, the temperature also dropped quickly. We were soon at a point where we could call it a day (or, more correctly, a night.) Exhausted beyond belief, yet satisfied, we retired to our upscale living quarters. I was unconscious in less than two minutes.

The next day was spent much like the first. Connections were tested, signals flowed, problems, both minor and major were tackled. While we tackled technical problems, the helpful soldiers tackled each other in an impromptu military match in the ring, complete with referees!

During the afternoon, howling winds kicked up a fierce dust storm, which was eventually settled down by some light rain. The rain turns the desert sand into the consistency of oatmeal, which clumps around and weighs shoes down like cement. Just checking the PA feeds was difficult enough, I can’t imagine having to fight a battle with cement shoes on.

Abi, Can You Hear Me Under There?!?

WWE.com’s Michael Cole had lined up a little field trip for the afternoon and evening. They were going out to do a report on ‘test firing’ a .50 caliber machine gun on a range off the base. Cole invited us along, but we couldn’t spare the time.

Shame, because their little trip, going off base, firing machine guns at target tanks, complete with helicopters swooping in to illuminate the targets – sounded like a lot of fun. Maybe next year – if there is a Tribute to the Troops show that is…

Patrick asked Marty, our head engineer, how he was feeling about our setup progress. “Partially happy with occasional smiles,” was the reply.

Around 9 PM, Marty was as happy as he was going to be, and we were as ready for the next day’s Tribute show as we were going to be. The only problem was, our bus was missing. We waited for about a half hour, but no bus showed up. None of us had any idea how to walk to our barracks, and they were a few miles away at that. Sgt. Marx managed to convince some security guards to give us a lift back to Swwankytown. Saying goodnight, we dropped him off along the way.

That night, on the roof of our building, we had a rare crew party. It’s not rare that this crew parties, that happens almost nightly. It’s just rare, I think, for anyone to say they partied on a rooftop in the middle of Iraq and lived to tell the tale.

Tomorrow, the Tribute to the Troops, then the long ride home.

That post can be found here.