I’ve been planning a motorcycle tripe through Baja California for several years. It’s finally going to happen this year, shortly after NBA season ends. One of the things on my Baja “to-do list” is try to learn some Spanish, or, as they call it in Spanish – “Espanol”

(I can’t figure out how to make that goofy squiggle over the letter n. Ah well..)

The Rosetta Stone Language Learning Software promised to be “The Fastest Way To Learn A Language. Guaranteed.” With a guarantee like that, I bought a copy, positive it would be great.

Wrong. Or at least I should say, after wading through the first of ten lessons, I have my doubts.

Instead of teaching useful things like “Yes sir, two more cold beers would certainly be most refreshing at this juncture.” or “No, I do not want to see a donkey show.” or most importantly, “Bring the doctor, this diarrhea is killing me!” this program (at least so far) concentrates on trivial things like the color of the woman’s raincoat or the number of shoes the child is wearing.

I can picture it now, after several hot, sweaty days of riding through Baja, getting stopped at a military checkpoint in the middle of the desert, confronted by bored, drunken soldiers with loaded automatic weapons, I suavely break the tension with, “¡El sombrero blanco es muy largo!”

I wonder if learning how to secure bail is part of the Rosetta Stone guarantee.

Author: frenchy