Received this lawyer’s cease and desist e-mail today from Gobbler’s Knob, the home of Punxsutawney Phil, the little bastard (ooops) that saw his stupid shadow and delayed my riding season by six weeks.

Dear Mr. Rant,

It has come to our attention that you have made several threatening remarks on your quaint (and not very widely read) little blog towards our client, the Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators, and Weather Prophet Extrordianire – Punxsutawney Phil. We are aware your blog is only read by the so-called Faithful Fifteen, however your hateful threats and heinous comments have hurt the feelings of our fortuitously fragile, furry little forecaster.

Yes, it is true that Phil has seen his shadow six out of the last ten years. With the advent of intense media coverage and super bright television lights, it’s nearly impossible for Phil to NOT see his shadow. In any case, Phil cares not a whit for your so-called riding season, he calls his shadows as he sees ’em.

It has been said that some are weather-wise, some are otherwise. You, sir, are most assuredly otherwise. We therefore demand that you cease all mentions of Punxsutawney Phil, whether it be as a “rat“; a “little punk“; a “big chicken” or especially “Phil the Pecker-head” on your barely browsed blog.

If we do not receive the assurances requested herewithin within fourteen days, we shall have no choice but to roust Phil again, and re-inquire about shadow sightings, purposely postponing your precious riding season another six weeks.

Very Truly Yours;

PUTZ, RUMPOLE & DOUCHEWITZ LTD.
Gobbler’s Knob, PA

All I can say is, thanks for the e mail guys, it’s good to know others besides the Faithful Fifteen are reading! Don’t worry Phil, you little buck-toothed bastard, you’ll hear from me soon!

Author: frenchy