Dear Northwest Airlines,

Times are tough, right? They must be, since you’ve started charging an extra $15 to sit in an exit row. Seriously, this has to be your smartest policy ever! You (and your many debtors) must be so proud. Paying $380 for a regular seat just isn’t enough?

This new policy will keep exit rows filled with rich, able-bodied people, so that in the event of a sudden unplanned descent followed by a rapid deceleration – say, on a mountainside somewhere – those fat-walleted flyers can get out first. A great strategy to retain paying customers!

What’s next? A clean blanket and pillow surtax? Oxygen masks with coin slots? Passing a hat for gas money before takeoff? You could even charge passengers extra for delays, since they are on the plane longer! Honestly, now that you’ve opened the door to fleecing frequent flyers, the sky really IS the limit!

Congratulations on making Delta Airlines look compassionate. To receive your prestigious Frenchy’s Rant GFY award, please send $15, or better yet, comp my next exit row seat.

Yes, I actually sent this letter to Northwest Airlines today, can’t wait to hear their response!

Author: frenchy