Neilsen Media Research
770 Broadway
New York, NY 10003

April 20, 2006

Dear Mr. Leslie Neilsen,

I’m not really sure how you have time to figure out who is watching what in addition to a busy movie career. Airplane! is one of my favorite movies of all time, better even than Police Squad. In fact, I loved the movie Airplane! so much that I got into a career that lets me fly every week!

That career is mixing audio for sporting events. I love my job, and want it to go on forever. And on the days that I think maybe I don’t really love it, all I need to do is look at how much my mortgage is, and I go right back to loving it again.

That’s why I am writing you Mr. Neilsen. I want one of those ‘black boxes’ to take to work with me. I want to be considered a Metered Neilsen Household. Having one of those black boxes at work will increase the ratings of the shows I am working on, making me a more marketable mixer, and who knows, it might even help with the Emmy Award Board of Directors (unlike the strippers I sent them last year. What a disaster that was!)

Please send my black box ASAP, the 2006 Emmy Awards are fast approaching.

Sincerely,

Frenchy
Emmy Award Losing Audio Mixer

Author: frenchy