During my forty-two orbits around the sun I’ve been fortunate enough to ride a bunch of different street bikes to a bunch of different places.

I’ve spent a lot of time on the road, covering vast distances to point at a sign and take my picture next to it. I even managed to make it to Australia to ride once before, though all of that riding was street oriented as well, though riding on the ‘wrong’ side of the street.

When I signed up to participate in the Australian Property Centre rally, I realized how much of that street riding experience will come in handy on the 7000 kilometers of dirt trails this rally will cover.

None.

Incidentally, that brilliant insight also covered the fact that in my then-present shape, best described as ‘Entirely Out Of’ I would never make it to the finish line.

So, I made a few decisions. First, if I was going to actually participate in this rally, I would have to make a commitment. I would need to get into a shape other than ‘Dough Boy.’ This fitness commitment is coming along nicely; that quest continues to this day and will continue right up to the day I get on the plane for Australia. Nowadays I spend far too many hours a week running, at Crossfit, kettlebell training, P90x and doing whatever other torture I decide to subject myself to, and little to no time at all in the bar. Sad, but that’s what commitment means, I guess. My overall fitness has improved enormously, and it’s nice to be able to see my feet again.

Lack of overall fitness was a big part of my problem with the rally, but not the only problem. The other half of the equation is the fact that other than a few dirt detours on Rain Cloud Follows, my trusty Yamaha FJR road bike, I really have zero experience riding in the dirt.

Thanks to a windfall from Mohegan Sun Casino, I bought a dirt bike, nicknamed it Mid Wife Crisis, and started trying to learn to ride in the dirt. Where my lovely fiancee Fiona and I used to spend time exploring the back roads, now we explore the deserts of Southern California. The learning curve in the dirt is pretty steep, so I set out to get some help straightening the learning curve out.

His name is Rob, and he works for Motoventures, a highly recommended SoCal off-road teaching facility. For two days Rob’s job, difficult as it is, was to teach this old dog some new tricks. During the pre-ride meeting the first day, Rob asked why I was there. I told him I had signed up for a 4300 mile off road rally in Australia.

He asked how many years I had to learn to ride before the rally.

I replied, “Six months.”

With a low whistle, he shook his head, knowing he had his work cut out for him.

Rob is one of those guys that make dirt riding seem effortless. His bike can fly, he can wheelie over anything, ride up or down a hill so steep it would trip up a mountain goat, and never, ever breaks a sweat.

Rob Flying Through The Air

My poor bike can’t fly, the only time I ever wheelied it scared me so badly I had to stop, and on the hill climbing section of the lesson, I fell off so may times I lost count.

Yeah. That’s right. Six months from now I will be riding around Australia.

I took one class with Motoventures before our trip to Jawbone, then repeated the same class with Rob the week after. Rob was impressed with my improvement in the second class. I made it up the hill that stumped me the first time, and made it through the technical trails without even having to put a foot down. I was pretty proud of my accomplishments, though I still have a long way to go.

The only way to improve is to keep on riding, which is exactly what I plan to do.

I learn best with a little pressure, so to make my steep learning curve a little more interesting, I am racing in my first ever US Desert Race this coming Sunday. My class, Senior One Beginners, has a one hour time limit on a six mile course. I have no illusions of being anything but horrible in the race, but I know it will expose more weaknesses that I’ll need to work on. If nothing else, it will be an endurance test, and of course the race will be a hell of a good time.

More to follow.

Author: frenchy