Of course gathering crew members to go to lunch together time is like trying to herd cats. Everyone has a different stopping point, so we had to wait. When I thought we were all finally ready, Michael Cole, a WWE announcer that was assigned to cover setup said he just needed to shoot one more piece, then we could all go. And of course our overworked Set Design/Lighting Director/PA Mixer/Flag Hanger Jason had one or two (or ten) things to do.

So we waited. A few of us were hanging around in the talent tent, because that’s where the drinks and snacks were stored.

In the distance we heard boom… boom… but didn’t really think much about it. In a war zone, hearing distant explosions is almost common, certainly nothing to get excited about.

But suddenly we heard a much louder BA-BOOOOM! It sounded (and felt) like the biggest firework explosion at the end of the grand finale. In fact, Tom, our tape operator even asked, “Why are they shooting off fireworks in the middle of the day?” Looking outside the tent, I was absolutely stunned to see all of the soldiers laying face down on the ground.

GET THE FUCK DOWN! ALL THE SOLDIERS ARE ON THE GROUND!! GET DOWN!

We lay on the ground for about five minutes until the soldiers outside yelled CLEAR! We still had no idea what had happened, until we walked out of the tent. Thick, black smoke was billowing up from behind a building, about 100 yards from where we were setting up.

A mortar round had landed and exploded in the DFAC parking lot. Two vehicles were hit and burning. We were literally shell shocked. To their credit, the soldiers got up, dusted off, and went RIGHT BACK TO WORK! I can not, for the life of me, imagine being able to get used to something like a mortar explosion.

Jason contemplates yet another distraction to the day.

Thank God Michael Cole isn’t a one take wonder.

Then it dawned on me. Had we not been waiting for Michael Cole and Jason, we would have been eating lunch in the DFAC, fifty feet from where the round landed. Cole was working on his stand up when the explosion went off. The video piece can be seen here.

Immediately after this happened, I grabbed my notebook and started writing a stream of consciousness to just get it all down. I finished it off with “Too close for me.”

Much, Much Too Close for Me.

Eight minutes later, two Apache helicopters screamed overhead, on their way to deter any further mortar attacks.

It was a really good feeling to watch as these attack helicopters flew over. There were Apache’s circling overhead for the rest of the day.

Then we heard an announcement over the base-wide loudspeaker. “Condition U-2! Condition U-2! All non-essential personnel get to a hardened structure immediately!” Condition U-2 means don your helmet and flack jacket.

The soldiers ran up to us, yelling to put on our flak jackets and helmets. I would have gladly done so, had I been issued one. One of the soldiers took off his personal vest and helmet and gave it to Kristine, the camera operator that shot Michael Cole’s report.

The closest hardened structure was Al-Faw, the palace. So, we got to take an unexpected tour.

The soldiers quickly escorted us into the palace, where we sat and waited to see what would happen next. We amused ourselves by taking pictures in Saddam’s throne. For some of us this was the second opportunity to sit in this throne.

Shell Shocked Frenchy, Still King of Iraq

At the time it occurred to me, where else but Iraq could you be lying face down on the ground waiting for the end one moment, and sitting in a throne the next? This place is really and truly that fucked up.

I asked Sergeant Cox, one of the soldiers that was escorting us, what condition U-3 was. He said that meant to put on chemical attack gear. He didn’t know what U-4 was, but was sure it was “some really bad shit.”

Sergeant Cox asked where our vests were. We told him we weren’t issued any. With a chuckle, he said it didn’t really matter anyway. “Those things don’t do shit. They’re basically good for one shot from a small caliber weapon. So if you have one on and get shot in the chest, you better turn around quick. And if you get hit with a mortar? Well then you’re just fucked. Nothing will help you then.”