Laredo, Texas is a wonderfully small town right on the border with Mexico that the WWE tour recently visited. I love to read the newspaper from tiny towns like Laredo, because there is often important news happening in these little places that is overlooked by the rest of the world.

Fortunately, newspapers like The Laredo Morning Times exist to fill the rest of the world in on such important yet neglected news events.

The first story comes from The Laredo Morning Times own intrepid reporter Celina Alvarado. The headline, ‘Passer-by rescues naked 3-year-old wandering street‘ seems to say it all, but it really only gives part of the story. The first paragraph of this report states ‘A naked 3-year-old girl found walking down Calle al Norte with a condom around her wrist was picked up by Child Protection Services on Sunday.’ Yes, you read that right. This poor toddler was found WITH A CONDOM WRAPPED AROUND HER WRIST! And, believe it or not, it gets better! The story goes on to say that the child’s mother told police the 3-year-old – who was ‘fully clothed the last time she was seen – sneaked out of the house while the mother was asleep.’ Laredo Police spokesman Jose E. Baeza is then quoted stating, “Aside from what appeared to be a piece of condom around her wrist and the child’s nudeness, there were no signs of neglect.” Fortunately for this poor kid, the child was removed from the home pending the results of a full investigation.

The second story that caught my attention was filed by reporter Lynn Brezosky entitled, ‘DEA nabs cartel leader at H-E-B‘ According to the story, a former Mexican police commander now believed to be a high-ranking member of the Gulf Cartel was nabbed after a Drug Enforcement Agent spotted him buying – I am not making this up – a watermelon at a local grocery store. Seems one of the alert agents that has worked on apprehending the full time drug cartel leader and part time watermelon lover was in the same grocery store at the same time, recognized the dude and immediately had the nefarious melon-buyer arrested.

And finally, from my favorite section of any local newspaper, a section titled ‘The Blotter‘

According to authorities, deputies ‘came upon a man casually smoking marijuana outside his residence. The authorities surprised the man who ran to the backyard and left behind evidence including a fully loaded shotgun and 13 bundles containing 400 pounds of marijuana – valued at a whopping $202,400 – on the porch. The residence was searched and authorities found several religious relics and pictures of the suspect inside. No arrests were made, however the investigation continues.’ Bong hits for Jesus anyone?

Only in small town America… you can’t make this stuff up!

Author: frenchy