I’m not sure if it’s just a recent lucky streak, the effects of the full moon, or maybe just my weirdo magnets have been switched to high power – whatever the reason, lately I have been attracting all kinds of serious whackos. This morning before work, I took a stroll around downtown Phoenix. Even at 7:30 AM, the city was already going from hot to sweltering. After walking and sweating for a while, I decided to stop and get an iced coffee to cool down. And what could go better with iced coffee than a nice chocolate croissant? (Ahh oui! Food from the homeland!)

As I sat outside in the shade to enjoy my little breakfast, a young, rail-thin man wearing headphones and a bright red, sweat stained shirt sauntered to the street corner. He turned sideways to me, looking mostly across the street at the smartly-dressed businesspeople hurrying to their cubicles.

Then he began shouting out his tirade; “Look at all you people, making the corporations fat on your sweat while you just sit there and watch Kelly Ripa! That bitch has three of my children! You sit around all day and do nothing except you get fat! That’s how you get gastroenteritis! That’s right! Gas-tro-en-ter-i-tis! Goddammit listen to me!”

The businesspeople did their best to not listen to this angry young fellow’s admonition. He stood there for another minute as if he had more to add, but had lost his momentum. Deflated, he walked past me, then stopped and turned around. I was afraid he was going to lecture me on the hazards of ice coffee, croissants and colorectal polyps, but he simply said, “I’m sorry you had to hear all that while you’re eating, but I had to warn them.” And with that apology he walked away, no doubt to caution others about the intestinal perils of watching Live with Regis and Kelly.

Now this next part I debated leaving out, but even though it’s a bit over the top, it continued the theme too well to not write about it.

After the angry man left, I resumed breakfast. Two well groomed hipster dudes walked by, and I overheard just a portion of their conversation:

Hip Guy #1: “Are you talking about the girl that you took a shit on?”

Hip Guy #2: “Naah, this is a different girl.”

Unfortunately (or fortunately) these two clowns walked away before I could hear the rest. All I could think is what a lucky girl she must be!

My weirdo magnet must have really been maxed today!

Author: frenchy

2 Responses to “Weirdo Magnet”

1. Anonymous says:

   August 1, 2007 at 12:18 AM

   Thanks for Blogging again….
   You help the medicine go down a little easier!!!

   Reply
2. Anonymous says:

   August 1, 2007 at 12:15 AM

   Im so glad your Bloggin again…
   You help the medicine go down easier!

   Reply