I live in a small town, and I love it. My town has one bank, a small grocery store, four liquor stores, five bars, and two breakfast places. It’s the kind of place where my neighbor will shout into my window to come with him for a boat ride at 8 AM. The kind of place where everyone knows everyone, and what they’re up to. When I am home, I routinely have ten minute conversations with SuperDave, my mailman. Who even knows their mailman’s name anymore? If there was a sign at the border of my town (which there isn’t, it’s that small) it would probably read: Smalltown, USA – Pop: 250 wackos

Recently, it seems Jen’s Place – my favorite place for breakfast – has closed down. It’s entirely possible that Jen decided to take a vacation, or just got tired of slinging hash and locked the doors. Nobody knows for sure, though the rumor mill is going full speed. No matter. It’s only a matter of time until Sharon, Betty or Helen step in and make that place their own. Such is life in a small town.

But until then, the only viable breakfast option is Emily’s Family Restaurant, (formerly Mimi’s) a place that due to my small town loyalty to Jen’s, I’d never tried. With Jen out of the breakfast business, Emily’s was packed full. I sat at the counter, taking the only available stool, and eventually placed an order. Ten minutes later, I got a cup of coffee. The service was slow, but it didn’t really matter, because I’d brought something with me that nobody else in the place had, a book! (and an excellent one at that… I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max) All the locals could tell I wasn’t originally from Smalltown, because I was **GASP** reading!

A half hour passed, still no food. I can see through to the kitchen, and the poor guy back there is working his ass off. There is only one waitress on, and the place, though tiny, is full of hungry customers. And here is why I love small town life. The woman next to me asks the waitress if the cook needs some help. The waitress asks her what her name is to which she replies, “Sue.”

Waitress to obviously slammed cook: “Hey! Sue over here wants to know if you want help back there.”

Cook: “Hell yeah I do!”

And with that, Sue, a customer waiting for breakfast just like me and everyone else in the place, gets up, goes into the kitchen, and starts cooking!

Even with Sue’s help, the kitchen is still slow. Everything in Emily’s Family Restaurant is slow, but at least it’s entertaining. Another customer gets up and walks behind the counter, obviously looking for something.

“Whatcha need, hun?” asks the waitress.

“Uhh, syrup?” says the customer.

The waitress responds, “Oh yeah, that’s under here. The little container is empty, so fill it with this, OK?” She hands the customer an industrial sized jug of syrup to refill the little container.

Soon after, a wildly happy and completely rotund woman walks behind the counter. This lady was a dead ringer for Jabba the Hut, only larger, and she is clearly ecstatic about something important. I was willing to bet it was going to be even more important than syrup! One of the other breakfastless customers at the counter asks her what is going on.

“Sorry I’m late, but we just got our delivery today!” Throwing her jiggly arms wide as if worshiping in church she exclaims with a huge grin, “A! BIG! SCREEN! TV!“

Perfect. Now all you need is a few days of Dance Dance Revolution! Before anyone has a chance to respond, she announces she’s leaving to go worship at her new altar. I still have no idea why this lady came in or even who she was. Maybe it was Emily herself.

I’m nearly finished my book when I see my breakfast appear from the kitchen (Thanks Sue! Hey, you know… There’s a vacant breakfast place up the road a piece…) The weary waitress is busy with another table, so rather than continue to wait, I do what is evidently expected of Emily’s Family members – go behind the counter and get my breakfast from the window. Now what? Should I tip myself at the end of the meal?

I finished my book and breakfast at the same time, and headed home for a hard day of beer drinking on my neighbor’s boat.

Did I mention I love small town life?

Author: frenchy

One Response to “Small Town Life”

1. Anonymous says:

   August 29, 2007 at 7:00 AM

   hey mate thanks for keeping the world from becoming a dull place

   Reply