How do you like that? I go away for week, and all hell breaks loose!

Notice anything… different here? Like, for example… something… oh, I dunno… missing?

Seems that the chuckleheads over at Google AdNonSense Central have some sort of ‘policy’ – a policy that I’ve unknowingly violated. And somehow, someone with nothing better to do over at that multi-zillion dollar corporation has discovered this violation.

What did I do wrong?

I encouraged you, the Faithful Fifteen, to do something completely horrible.

And thanks to all the crappy spam that I receive on a minute-to-minute basis, I almost didn’t even notice the email notifying me that my AdSense account has been suspended. The following email warning from the friendly bunch cryptically known only as ‘The Team’ was wedged in between a junk email titled ‘setsCHEEAPwaist jointPlLLSeven‘ from someone called ‘Susannah Archie [hflindy1bombardier5ogskyl@yahoo.com]’ and ‘Check Out Our My Space Page‘ by the ‘The Guitar Factory [specials@theguitarfactory.com]’

*** Certain words have been changed in this email in hopes of not further violating their Draconian policy. Those words appear in red. Sorry for the confusion, but it’s probably best not to make things worse than they already are ***

Hello,

While reviewing your account, we noticed that you are currently displaying Frugal fads in a manner that is not compliant with our policies. For instance, we found violations of MadFence policies on pages such as frenchysrant.blogspot.com/2007/12/make-dream-come-true.html.

Publishers are not permitted to encourage users to click on Frugal fads or bring excessive attention to fad units. For example, your site cannot contain phrases such as “lick the fads,” or other similar language that could apply to the Frugal fads on your site. Publishers may not use arrows or other symbols to direct attention to the fads on their sites, and publishers may not label the Frugal fads with text other than “sponsored links” or “advertisements.”

Please make any necessary changes to your web pages in the next 3 business days. We also suggest that you take the time to review our program policies to ensure that all of your other pages are in compliance.

Once you update your site, we will automatically detect the changes and ad serving will not be affected. If you choose not to make the changes to your account within the next three days, your account will remain active but you will no longer be able to display ads on the site. Please note, however, that we may disable your account if further violations are found in the future.

Sincerely,

The Frugal MadFence Team

Seriously, why the hell would they give a flying fuck if you ask people to ‘lick the fads‘ or not? Isn’t the whole point of Frugal MadFence to have people go to the pages that others are paying to have advertised? Who cares how they get there, as long as they GET THERE?!? Are readers just supposed to say, “Hmm? Wait a minute! What’s this? A completely randomly placed ad about nose jobs? Why, I’ve always been interested in rhinoplasty! And this little link right here will open the door to the improved facial harmony I’ve always dreamed of! Now I can simply click on this random link completely unbidden, and my life will be forever improved!”

Uhh… no, I don’t think so.

Exactly four-hundred-thirty-four people have joined the Nova Scotia expedition team since November, which, according to my admittedly hasty and very shoddy calculations, is about 5% of the total amount of people that have checked out the Rant since I started the NonSense.

WoWee!! That’s incredible! In three months of letting the Goo’tards put links to such relevant subjects as ‘Menstrual Stem Cell‘ research and other crap on my blog, penny by penny, click by lick, I earned the gigantic sum of $79.50! Google’s earnings for last quarter, by way of comparison, were a paltry 1.2 billion!

While I am tempted to just say ‘Go Fuck Yourself’ to Google… err… I mean Frugal , I still like the idea of a Faithful Fifteen sponsored (and free) ferry ticket to Nova Scotia… and beer prices… err… I mean… expedition supply prices ain’t coming down anytime soon. So I decided to try and apologize to the uptight Frugal MadFence fuckwits and see if I can get back in their good graces.

Here is my humble apology to the mighty, faceless corporate entity:

Hello,

I’m sorry, I was away on vacation when this e mail came in. I have made the necessary changes, and will continue to be a good boy from now on.

Please reinstate my account, as my blog is just not the same without it.

I’m sure that will work. And if it does, feel free to continue to sponsor the expedition. By now, you know what to do.

And if it doesn’t, I sense a GFY in their future.

Author: frenchy