Here’s what happens when I get really bored. Last night I couldn’t sleep in my little tiny coffin sized bed here in the Britannia El Dumpo Grande in London. So, I did what any normal insomniac stuck in a crap hotel in the worst part of a foreign country would do after random bidet experiments lose their appeal – I answered some spam e mail that I received:

Dear Sir,

My name is Mr.James Nunu, head of foreign operations International Barclays Bank of Ghana. A certain late client of my bank made a deposit for 12 Months valued at $5.2Million. My proposition is that I will like you to stand in as the next of kin to the depositor. I found out that he died without making a “WILL” We shall employ the services of an attorney to arrange the transfer of rights and privileges of the deceased to you. If you are interested.

Please reply immediately with these details below:

1. A Beneficiary name and mailing address, in order for me to prepare The document for transfer of the funds in your name.

2. Direct Telephone and fax numbers.

3. Age and occupation.

Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details.

Please I advice you don’t call my bank to inquire if I work with them or to ask for me, this is to avoid suspicious on my side as I am about to transferred this fund out of the bank it will be advisable to keep it confidential between both of us just to protect my job.

Best regard,

Mr.James Nunu.

My response to Mr. Nunu:

Dear Mr. Nunu,

Your timing couldn’t be better! My trailer (a Double Wide) just burned down due to an unfortunate meth lab ‘accident’. My sister/wife and I lost everything in the fire, including our pet skunk, who, as an incredible coincidence, was also named Mr. Nunu!

Am I interested? Does the Pope shit in the woods? Hell yeah I am interested! That $5.2 million will put me and my wife/sister right back on the road to Swankytown! And I can finally get that solid gold front tooth I’ve always wanted! Count me in Mr. Nunu (not my dead pet skunk, I mean you, Mr. Nunu, head of foreign operations International Barclays Bank of Ghana.)

Do I have to split any of this money with you or anyone else? This doesn’t have anything to do with enlarging my penis, does it? (it’s big enough, thanks!) Where is Ghana anyway? Are you going to pay me in real American dollars or is this $5.2 million going to be in some crazy foreign country kind of money like New Mexican or something? Are you sure you want to go through with this? I have a feeling the International Barclays Bank of Ghana might get pissed if they find out, but since you randomly emailed me through the internet, I trust you know what you are doing! Don’t worry we’ll keep this our little secret.

Let me know how soon I can cash that fat check my new non-skunk friend!

Can’t wait to see how this turns out…

Author: frenchy