The morning after dawned cold, but clear. The worst was over, and having come this far, and gone through this much, I knew things could only get better from here.

During the night it was really cold. How cold was it? So cold that before we left, Dark Meat Snack pulled a what looked like a giant snowball, remnants of yesterday’s really fun, really shit weather out from between his rear view mirror supports. And of course he threw it at me before I could get a picture of it.

Off to Salt Lake City, to pick up Fiona and wrap this trip (and report) up!

The Grand Teton Mountain Range was a sight to behold, made even better by the distinct lack of falling snow.

The early stop the day before didn’t allow as much time to goof off as we’d grown accustomed to, so we picked up the pace. The temperatures rose as the day went on, which was a very welcome change. While winding our way south, we evidently passed through some treacherous hunting grounds.

On the entire forty-mile stretch of hallowed sign-hunting ground, the only sign that hadn’t been blasted was this one:

I’m guessing it’s because she’d return fire.

Dark Meat Snack and I made it through unscathed, and with an unusual flair of perfect timing, arrived in Salt Lake City an hour after Sleeping Beauty.

Beauty and the Beast

That night our group joined one of Salt Lake City’s social clubs. Salt Lake City, in fact most of Utah, has some strange rules when it comes to alcohol. We sat down at Murphy’s Bar (subtitled ‘A Step Down In Social Clubs’) and tried to order a few pints of good ol’ liquid cheer. The bartender asked if we were members, usually not a good sign.

“Uhh… no, we’re not from around here. Why?”

“You have to be members for me to serve you.” he replied. “Don’t worry, you can join on a temporary basis for $4.”

After taking down my name and address, and paying the man $4, we were officially members, and therefore allowed to have a refreshment, which we immediately did.

Most of the night was shrouded in a warm, pleasant haze.
Abi enjoyed more than his share of members-only cocktails that night.

Beauty and The Dark Meat

The next morning, and by morning I mean early afternoon, the internal haze had cleared, and we were off to the races. Literally.

Fiona and Abi had a world land-speed-on-foot race. Abi lost handily, but blamed poor traction for his loss. Or should I say he blamed his defeat on the agony of ‘De Feet?’

The ground looked solid, but was in fact a thin crust of salt covering thick, soupy mud. How do I know it was a crust of salt on top? Skeptical, Fiona didn’t believe it, so, I am almost embarrassed to report, I watched as the love of my life gave the ground a… taste test.

Hello? HELLLOOOO?!?! Come on, get your minds out of the gutter!

Moving on, we made rapid progress down more straight, flat roads, this time of the Nevadan variety.

Fiona shot these pictures of the tiny but very cool town of Austin, NV from the back of my rapidly moving bike.

All told, Sleeping Beauty shot more pictures in her three days of the trip than Abi and I did combined. I asked her why she takes so many snapshots. She replied, “I have three choices to keep me from being totally bored back here. Take pictures, take a nap, or look at this all day…”

Then, the love of my life continued, “Hey, since the bike is all scratched up now, maybe you’ll let me drive it sometime and you can sit back here for a while!”

I love that girl.

As an aside, here is Fiona’s favorite picture of the trip, a candid shot I took while walking by a temple in Salt Lake City. I have, ahem, no earthly idea what her fascination is with this particular snap.

None at all.

Moving on, the next day we made an exciting discovery in the hills. No, not silver, but the old fashioned silver mining town of Virginia City, NV. This place was so fascinating we spent a few hours wandering around, checking out the Bucket of Blood saloon and viewing the ‘Suicide Table’ – a poker table said to have caused more than its fair share of deaths back in the day.

Leaving the somewhat gruesome history of Virginia City behind, we cheered as we crossed the final state border of our little ride, happy to know that in just one more ride report installment, the Epic Ride would mercifully be over.

The final installment of The Epic Ride can be found here.

Author: frenchy