Recently I received another spam email, this time from a Mr. Elvis Adekunle of Nigeria. Not sure if he is a friend of Mr. James Nunu, The Honorable James Brown, Esther Prakash, or Mariam Hennesey (Mrs.) but he’s a spammer just the same. I wonder if they sit around together in internet cafes coming up with this crap.

It’s always fun to reply to these people, which I really do, because you never know – one day it might be the real thing!

Here is the latest scam spam:

I am Mr Adekunle. a computer scientist working with central bank of Nigeria.I am 25 years old, just started work with C.B.N. I came across your file which was marked X and your released disk painted RED, I took time to study it and found out that you have paid VIRTUALLY all fees and but the fund was not released to you.

The most annoying thing is that they won’t tell you the truth that on no account will they ever release the fund to you,instead they allow you spend money unnecessarily,I do not intend to work here all the days of my life, I can release this fund to you if you can certify me of my security.

I needed to do this because you need to know the statues of your Funds and cause for the delay,Please this is like a Mafia setting in Nigeria, you may not understand it because you are not a Nigerian. The only thing needed to release this fund is the Anti drug/terrorist clearance certificate which will be tendered to any of your nominated bank and the INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE(IRS)for clearance of the transfered amount in your account.

Once the Anti drug /terrorist clearance certificate is obtained funds will immediately reflect in your bank within 10 Minutes,the certificate is all that is needed to complete this transaction.

Note that the actual funds is valued at $15.5 MILLION USD and the president made a compensation fund release for all unpaid beneficiary valued at $10 million usd.

Listed below are the mafia’s and banks behind the non release of your funds that i managed to sneak out for your kind persual.

1) Prof. Charles soludo

2) Chief Joseph Sanusi

3) Dr. R. Rasheed

4) Barrister Awele Ugorji

5) Mr Roland Ngwa

6) Barrister Ucheuzo Williams

7) Mr. Ernest Chukwudi Obi

8) Dr. Patrick Aziza

Deputy Governor – Policy / Board Member

9) Mr. Tunde Lemo

Deputy Governor – Financial Sector Surveillance / Board Member

10) Mrs. W. D. A. Mshelia

Deputy Governor – Corporate Services / Board Members

11) Mrs. Okonjo Iweala

12) Mrs. Rita Ekwesili

13) Barr Jacob Onyema

14) Dr. Godwin Oboh: Director Union Bank Of Nigeria.

15) Mr John Collins: Global Diplomat Director.

16) Foreign fund diplomatic courier

17) Barr. Becky Owens

18)Rev. Steven Jones

19) bank of Africa

20)Mrs. Debbie Hargrove

21)Mr. Micheal Wagner

22) ADB Bank Ouagadougou Burkinafaso

23) FSA UK

24) NATWEST BANK

25) ECO Bank

26) Credit Bank

Do get in touch with me immediately to conclude this final transaction immediately,and also send to me your convenient tel/fax numbers for easy communications.

Regards,

Mr Elvis Adekunle

Call : +234 70 394 66 934

And my reply:

Dear Mr. Presley,

I am Snickerdoodle F. Rumplemintz, Esq. Your email has come to my attention by appearing in my Spam Folder. I must first inform you that I do not appreciate your repeated use of the ‘N’ word in your spam message. I find this term to be extremely offensive. In case you hadn’t heard, ever since the election of President Barak Obama, racism is officially over. You may not understand this because you are not an American.

Your information is somewhat correct about my payment of fees associated with my ‘X-Marks-The Spot’ file and my REDRUM disk. I paid most of the fees to Mr. James Nunu, who no longer replies to my emails. I fear Mr. Noodle has been killed in an unfortunate ‘necklacing’ incident. However, since I lost the rented Blockbuster disc on my last trip to your bank to try and collect my money, I couldn’t return it to Blockbuster. The late fees have been piling up, which is why I have been avoiding Blockbuster like the plague. I’m afraid if I go in there without the REDRUM disc to return, they’ll try and ‘necklace’ me too. I’m happy you found the disc, Elvis!

You may be a computer scientist, but you’re obviously not a pro at the spam game. You are supposed to ask me for things I can give you; personal information and account numbers for example. How in the hell am I supposed to get you a Anti drug /terrorist clearance certificate? I don’t even know what that is. But if it helps you, my social security number is 789-0987-3876.

Finally, you say you don’t intend to work at the Mafia bank all your life, then you send me a list fingering the top Mafioso Bankers? Are you sure this is the wisest course of action? Those kind of people can be pretty grumpy sometimes. I sent everyone on your list a copy of your email, just to make sure we’re all on the same page. I’m sure they’ll be contacting you shortly about your sudden career change to the automobile tire industry.

Enough of this crap. Send me the $10 million, and my missing Blockbuster REDRUM movie. Hurry up. The late fees are growing. Take my word for it that you’ll be secure. If you need to get in touch with me again, hit me up on Facebook. You’re a computer scientist so I’m sure you know how that works.

PS: I’m a huge fan of Graceland!

Sincerely,

Snickerdoodle F. Rumplemintz

Author: frenchy

3 Responses to “Mo’ Money – Mo’ Money Money – Mo’ Money!”

1. John says:

   June 13, 2009 at 5:25 PM

   Oh thats too F'n Funny. Oops I used the "N" word too! LOL I am going to copy and paste your response to those knuckle heads on all applicable emails. I love it! Take care and kepp up the good reponses! LOL

   Reply
2. Stan-Rhode Island says:

   December 16, 2008 at 4:56 PM

   Just for the hell of it I did a bit og googling on the phone number they want you call.

   The number goes to a “city”, Shendam in the middle of the country. Looking at a satellite view of the area there seems to be nothing much there. Population is a little over 11,000

   Bottom line to all this. I had asked you for a thousand or so, if you got you money. But I’m starting to feel like GM or Ford, asking for a bailout…….I ain’t going to get it.

   Stan-Riverside RI

   Reply
3. Stan-Rhode Island says:

   December 16, 2008 at 4:10 PM

   When you get your 10 million, as a friend of your Aunt and Father, can I have a thousand or so. Call it a bail out to a friend.

   Stan
   East Providence (Riverside)

   Reply