“Hello, Cingular, how can I help you?”

“Well, my phone stopped working, and I need to get a new one.”

“We can ship one to your house, will someone be there to sign for it?”

“No… Can I give you a different address?”

“Sure.”

I give them the address to the UPS Store where I have an account. The main reason for this account is the store is authorized to sign for my packages, and will gladly forward them to me wherever I happen to be (In the past two weeks, that has included Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Anaheim, San Diego, Seattle and Fort Wayne, Indiana. Needless to say, I am almost never home to sign for a package.)

“Uh, sir, is this a UPS Store? Cingular Policy won’t let us ship there.”

“Why not? They can sign for me and forward the phone.”

“Against policy.”

“Well, that’s a pretty stupid policy. Can you ship the replacement phone to the store I bought it at?”

“Against policy.”

Cingular is a MOBILE PHONE company. You’d think they would realize that people use these MOBILE PHONES away from HOME… Right?

“OK, well what can you do for me then?”

“Give us an alternate address to ship the phone to.”

“But, I already did give you one!”

“Against policy. Give us another address.”

“I don’t really have another one. What are my other alternatives?”

“Buy yourself a brand new phone.”

“Is that really your policy?”

“Yes, sir. Have a nice day.”

OK, now I will accept that dropping my $300 phone into a toilet is my fault. I don’t expect the warranty to cover phones falling into toilets. I bought the life insurance policy to guard against this exact thing… and get a replacement when I do manage to destroy a phone. I don’t expect to be told to buy a brand new one as an alternative. I think this is how Cingular makes all their money, making it too frustrating to get a replacement, people shell out more money for a new one.

And, for this policy, I award Cingular the first ever Frenchy’s Rant “GO FUCK YOURSELF” award. Congratulations!

Author: frenchy