Ahh, the last day in Milan…
And what a day it was. Beautiful weather greeted us every day of the trip, with temps in the mid 70’s, but this day was the most spectacular of all. It was the absolute perfect day to get on a train, head for Lake Como and sit in the sun all day long. Any outdoor activity at all would be enjoyed to the fullest on a day like Tuesday.
In other words, it was the WORST DAY EVER to have to sit inside a TV truck for fourteen hours. Which is precisely what I did.
The beautiful day crept by outside the audio room door, and before I knew it, the show was over. (Not really, but thankfully, the human brain doesn’t actually record truly traumatic events, like a car crash, having mortar shells fall on you, or mixing Smackdown in Italy.) That is the reason I didn’t take any pictures, I didn’t want to jar those horrific memories loose at a later date and trigger a flashback.
In any event, my vacation in Milan drew to a close, and it was time to take a cab to the train that would take us to the plane that would take us to Prague!
But before that, I’d like to share a few things I learned about Italy:
1 – The Taxi Trick. Every time I took a cab, the meter started with a random amount – from three to eleven Euro – already showing. Strange how drivers that spoke perfect English when I got in suddenly forgot the entire language when it was time to argue about the meter. One cabbie (I dubed him Mr. Eleven Euro Richer) made sure to drop me off right next to a police officer, just in case I felt like bitching about the fare.
2 – Good night – Sleep tight – Don’t let the bedbugs bite does NOT apply to the Jolly Hotel beds in Milan. The first morning, I had at least five bites all over (and I do mean ALL OVER) that weren’t there when I went to sleep. One of the audio crew, Greg Rudy, had three bedbug bites on his right eyelid which was so swollen it looked like he had wrestled and lost a ‘Last Eye Open’ match.
3 – Red wine is good for your heart. It has been said that even though Italian cuisine is loaded with fat, the fact that red wine comes with every meal keeps the instance of heart attacks down. That’s why many Americans drink a glass a day to keep the cardiologist away. Well, it might help, but the main reason that Italians are in good shape is they do a little thing called WALKING or BICYCLING to get from place to place. And they also eat reasonably small portions of food, compared to what American restaurants serve.
4 – Be careful! That bottle of water just might be ‘sparkling.’ Not bad if you expect it, a little shocking if you aren’t. Speaking from experience, sparkling water burns as it comes out the nose.
5 – Speaking of shocking, be very careful! 220 European volts are much MUCH more powerful than the United States paltry 110. US electric razors plugged into European outlets will almost immediately self-destruct with a very entertaining explosion. Also, if you touch the prongs on a European power adapter – as one crew member we’ll just call Frizzle Fry found out the hard way – you may just explode as well.
6 – A good sense of humor, a little patience and a big smile go a long way toward muddling through language barriers. A working knowledge of Charades doesn’t hurt either. Everyone I encountered in Italy was much nicer and far more patient than I expected. If I listened hard and watched the wildly gesturing hands closely, I could usually pretty much figure out the general idea of what was being said.
6A – Mennagio sounds – and mimes – the same as Bellagio.
OK, with those little nuggets of wisdom safely out of the way, on to Prague!!
When the WWE announced this two week, work-related European Vacation, they told us that we’d have three days off between Milan and London. Most of the crew opted to stay in Italy to see Rome or Venice, head directly to London, or go trippin’ off to Amsterdam. Abi and I decided to travel to the Czec Republic instead, mostly because it offered the smallest chance of running into anyone else on the crew.
The easiest way to get from Prague to Milan? No, not motorcycles…. (NEXT TIME) Obviously, the easiest way to go is…
The pilot announced as we boarded that those sitting on the right side of the plane would have a great view of the Alps.
I’m sure they’re down there… somewhere.
Tomorrow, a walking tour of Prague and LOTS of pictures!
Na zdraví!
Prague. Finally! For some reason, Prague has always been a place that I wanted to see, though I never thought I’d have a chance. All that changed today when Abi and I signed up for a two hour walking tour of this beautiful city. I had a chance to see MUCH more of Prague in a day than any reasonable person should.
Our tour guide, a very efficient, very angular and very stern looking German woman (so efficient she never even gave us her name, nor asked ours…) took us on what was supposed to be a gentle two hour stroll of the major sites of Prague. That gentle stroll turned from an easy two hours to a three hour tour, then to a nearly four hour death march as we efficiently marched from site to site to site, logging nearly six miles!
During the forced march, I snapped 380 photos. Prague really is that incredible, that historic and that beautiful. Hardly any of my pictures really captured that beauty, it’s just a place that needs to be seen, needs to be experienced in person. What follows is a smattering of places that really stood out to me.
The Astronomical Clock
Beautiful? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, this clock is a five hundred year old marvel of ancient technology. As we waited for the clock to do it’s thing, our nameless tour guide gave us a little background.
Basically, by ‘sitting and thinking about the universe’, ancient Bohemians somehow figured out a mechanical way to indicate sunrise, sunset, Zodiac sign, months, years and more, and manage to say ‘Hey! Life is short!’ at the same time. Every hour on the hour since the 1500’s this clock has put on a show.
First, Death, represented by a skeleton, rings a bell. This is supposed to remind people that life is short. (Death is surrounded by chicken wire to keep the pigeons from crapping on Him.)
Then, two blue doors at the top of the clock open, and the Twelve Apostles parade by and acknowledge the crowd.
After that, at the very top of the Astronomical Clock, the rooster – which for some reason I don’t understand is supposed to represent Judas – crows, and the wildly anticipated show is over.
I started to worry about the tour at that point, because the whole show was so cheesy and ridiculous. Our guide agreed, then confided, “This Astronomical Clock does everything but actually tell what time is it. Very silly.” She concluded with. “We go to Charles Bridge now.”
Charles Bridge
Tired of floods washing away bridges, Emperor Charles IV commissioned a new structure to be built that could withstand ice and flooding of the Vltava River, way back in 1342.
Seven centuries later, the Charles Bridge is still standing, and is currently home to musicians, artists, and of course, junky souvenir stands. A beautifully historic, seven hundred year old tourist trap.
Statues from the early 1700’s line both sides of the bridge. I’m sure each one has a story, but telling each story would mean we’d have to stop walking, something our guide wasn’t willing to do.
One statue was famous enough to actually pause for. Legend has it that in the 14th century, the queen confessed all her sins to Father John of Nepomuk. When Father John refused to reveal the queen’s darkest secrets to the nosy king, he was thrown from the Charles Bridge into the river below, supposedly at the spot that his statue now sits.
The legend continues that if you touch the engraving below St. John’s statue, one wish will come true.
Hey, you never know…
Crossing the bridge, our forced march continued….
Crossing the Charles Bridge from Old Town to the Little Quarter, our walking tour continued without a break. Our guide, whom I dubbed Frau von Nike, efficiently marched us through the Little Quarter, passing the Church of St. Nicholas, strode through some alleys, power walked our little group right by a barely explained water wheel…
and onward, ever onward to the Lennon Wall.
Lennon Wall
This wall was made famous after John Lennon was killed in 1980. Every day Lennon inspired graffiti would appear, every night, the Communists would paint over it. The next day, more graffiti would appear. Finally, when Czech independence came in 1989, the graffiti was allowed to remain.
Petrin Tower
Frau von Nike explained that we would now be going to the top of Petrin Hill for an unmatched view of Prague. She must have seen me wince, because she then explained, “Is OK, we take tram to top, yah?”
“Hell yah!”
Hooray for the tram, an incredible bargain at 20 Czech crowns, approximately one US dollar. Finally a place to sit and rest for five minutes!
At the top of Petrin Hill stands Petrin Tower, which looks similar to the Eiffel Tower. For three more US dollars, 400 spiral stairs can be climbed for a spectacular view of Prague.
Frau von Nike wisely decided to stay at the bottom as Abi and I made the ascent.
Though it was a hell of a climb, I’d say the views were worth the effort.
Castle Quarter
The tour continued, heading for the grand finale – Prague Castle. Frau von Nike, fresh from her twenty minute break – while Dumb and Dumber climbed up and down 800 stairs – picked up the pace. At one point, she took a phone call that lasted ten minutes. When her phone rang, she sped up, putting more than the normal half mile between us, presumably so we couldn’t eavesdrop.
After Frau von Nike made dinner arrangements (Hate to tell you Frau, but audio guys can eavesdrop from ANY distance!) we stopped at Loretta Church, a church with a HUGE rack… of bells. We arrived just as the Carillion – which translates loosely to loud clanging of many bells – began.
After the clamor ended, we walked to the base of Prague Castle. In the center square, Frau von Nike abruptly announced, “We are now here. The tour has ended. Thank you and goodbye.” She then turned and speed walked away.
Well… OK then.
Prague Castle
Yup, it sure is a castle, all right.
And with our near marathon mercifully complete, we exhaustedly collapsed at the nearest bar to work on our pivní mozols (beer bellies). I happily ordered two of the largest pilzn pivos in the place. Six miles of energetic hiking really dehydrates a person, after all. You have to love a city where the beers cost less that bottled water does!
Tomorrow, more touring. Kutná Hora and the Church of Bones await!
If it’s Friday – and though I’ve pretty much lost track, I think it is – it must be time to visit Kutná Hora, a small silver mining town about 60 kilometers from Prague.
Abi and I talked about taking a train and finding our own way to Kutná Hora, but after the Mennagio – Bellagio debacle, decided against it. Though our tour experience from the day before left a little to be desired, we thought we’d get the most for our time taking another guided tour, except this time one that included a bus.
Kutná Hora means ‘Mining Mountain‘ in Czech. In ancient times, the town of Kutná Hora sat atop one of the largest silver mines in all of Europe. In its heyday, most of Europe‘s silver was mined from this sleepy little town of about 20,000 people. By the mid 1700’s, most of the silver had been mined, and the town turned to tourism as it’s main industry.
Some pictures on the way to Kutná Hora:
My main reason for wanting to see Kutná Hora was to see the Ossuary, or Bone Church.
In the fourteenth century, a priest brought back a handful of soil from the holy land, and the Kostnice Ossuary Beinhaus was built on this sacred ground. Naturally, locals wanted to be buried in the Ossuary’s hallowed ground. And with wars and plagues aplenty, there were plenty of bodies around. Pretty soon, that hallowed ground was full, and bones were stacked in piles. Evidently there wasn’t much else to do way back in the fourteenth century, so some enterprising young bone stackers began making bone ‘decorations’ with their endless supply of bones.
Yes, that’s right. Decorations. Made with human bones.
Abi pointed out that this was probably the only TRUE ‘Coat of Arms’ in the world…
Someone apparently even signed their name in BONES!
Weird. Very weird.
Our tour moved on to St. Barbara’s Cathedral, a church that, because of the late hour, we weren’t able to enter.
Undaunted, our tour guide gained our group access to a small… err… fourteenth century… uhh… underground… uhh… room (to be honest, by now I was having a hard time paying attention to all this fourteenth century history.) where we saw some… umm… fourteenth century pottery on the floor.
Another giant fourteenth century church. (Along with silver, God was obviously big business in Czechslovakia back in the 1400’s)
Then we entered the Hrádek, or Museum of Silver, where we got to see some silver coins, with mint dates from 1283 all the way up to 1740. Before entering, we were warned not to steal any! Ha ha ha!
After that, we had a tour of the Town Hall, where Abi played King of Kutná Hora for a Day.
Then our tour guide took us through a small door, specially built to exactly admit a tiny King Wenceslas (or a not-so-tiny Abi) into his sanctuary.
The sanctuary was the most interesting part of the whole tour, so naturally pictures weren’t allowed.
And with that, it was time leave Kutná Hora and return to Prague. Sadly there was only time for one last delicious Czech dinner before it was time to leave Prague altogether.
Jen při loučení Praha. Těím se na brzkou shledanou!
(Translation: Good Bye Prague. I look forward to visiting again!)
Saturday the vacation from my somewhat ruined ‘vacation’ ended – in other words it was time to leave Prague for more WWE fun and frivolity in London.
But first, a few things that I learned about Prague:
1 – All other beggars and panhandlers should take note. The beggars in the Czech Republic are the best in the world at their profession.
How could you not throw a few coins to these poor people?
2 – One of the nice things about cobblestone streets is when you have to do repairs, you just lift the blocks up, fix the pipes, then replace the blocks.
Ironic that the Museum of Communism is located ABOVE the largest symbol of capitalism in the world.
And, though I didn’t go inside, here is my personal favorite.
4 – Equally entertaining (well, maybe not quite as entertaining as a Sex Machines Museum… ) are Prague’s street signs:
Not really sure if this sign is to tell drivers to watch out for kids playing soccer, or to let kids know its OK to play in the middle of the street.
Whatever the first sign means, you aren’t allowed to do it here.
NO dogs are allowed here, but kids with soccer balls for heads may use the slides at their leisure.
NO tri-colored ice cones allowed.
Yield to Porky Pig.
And finally:
Future Playboy Bunny crossing?
Goodbye Prague!
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Yield to Porky Pig.
