Frenchy's Rant

It’s a sad day in the world of professional wrestling. The Dicks have been ejected from the WWE. In the beginning, they always started hard, some might even say they came out swinging. The potential for the Dicks to be a HUGE tag team was there. When the Dicks were out, the crowd would explode, at least at first.

But how far can a one-trick Dick really go? Without new moves, they just couldn’t get over the hump, and the fickle fans eventually lost interest. And once that interest was gone, it wasn’t long until “The Dicks Suck” chants filled the arena. The cold shoulder from the crowd caused the Dicks to shrivel. They ended up in a hole they just couldn’t get out of. Towards the end, they just weren’t performing, and were too easy to beat.

And so, sadly, it’s a wrap for the best named tag team ever. Now, it’s back to wrestling’s bush league for the Dicks. They’ve officially been cut.

But don’t count them out entirely. In the wacky world of professional wrestling, it is completely possible that someday, somehow, the Dicks will rise again.

RAW emanated from Trenton, New Jersey on Monday, and what a day it was! It started with a bang and went downhill from there. Here’s a small list of “fill-in-the-blanks” for this version of Broke Blank Monday:

Broke Cars

While a video crew was outside setting up for a shot, some cars slowed to see what was going on. One rubbernecker wasn’t paying enough attention, smashed into the guy in front of him, and the chain reaction was on. Sounds of screeching tires, crunching metal, and shattering glass filled the air. When it was done, three cars were totalled, one ending up on it’s roof.

The crew never did get the shot.

Broke Leg

The first match of RAW was a Women’s Battle Royal Match. In this type of match, contestants are eliminated by being thrown over the top rope. The last Diva standing is declared the winner. Ashley was the least fortunate Diva of the night. After an awkward landing, she collapsed to the ground and screamed in pain. She left the arena on a stretcher, and we later learned she’d suffered a bad spiral fracture to her left fibula.

Needless to say, since Ashley could no longer stand, she lost the match.

Broke Jib

In the third match of the night, something else broke.

Somehow, the jib, a large crane with a camera on the end, managed to fall over in the arena. During a move, one of the wheels got caught on something, and… TIIIIIMBERRRR!!! The eighteen foot arm came crashing down, along with the very expensive camera. Fortunately, everything fell in an aisle, and nobody was injured. The jib and camera didn’t fare so well, both broke into pieces.

Broke Cart

At the end of the night, when it seemed that all the mayhem and breaking of Broke Blank Monday was over, there was one surprise left. As it was being loaded into the truck, one of the wheels on an equipment cart suddenly broke, nearly causing the cart and equipment to dump over on the crew.

What a night… Can’t wait for tomorrow!

I’ve been planning a motorcycle tripe through Baja California for several years. It’s finally going to happen this year, shortly after NBA season ends. One of the things on my Baja “to-do list” is try to learn some Spanish, or, as they call it in Spanish – “Espanol”

(I can’t figure out how to make that goofy squiggle over the letter n. Ah well..)

The Rosetta Stone Language Learning Software promised to be “The Fastest Way To Learn A Language. Guaranteed.” With a guarantee like that, I bought a copy, positive it would be great.

Wrong. Or at least I should say, after wading through the first of ten lessons, I have my doubts.

Instead of teaching useful things like “Yes sir, two more cold beers would certainly be most refreshing at this juncture.” or “No, I do not want to see a donkey show.” or most importantly, “Bring the doctor, this diarrhea is killing me!” this program (at least so far) concentrates on trivial things like the color of the woman’s raincoat or the number of shoes the child is wearing.

I can picture it now, after several hot, sweaty days of riding through Baja, getting stopped at a military checkpoint in the middle of the desert, confronted by bored, drunken soldiers with loaded automatic weapons, I suavely break the tension with, “¡El sombrero blanco es muy largo!”

I wonder if learning how to secure bail is part of the Rosetta Stone guarantee.

My brother moved to Virginia twelve years ago. In that twelve years he has undergone an almost complete redneck-ification transformation.

Here is the proof:

My Brother