Man how time flies when you take a little blogging break!

It’s already August, the time when most red-blooded Americans start preparing for another season of football, and most blue-blooded terrorists seem to concoct new ways of making air travel even more difficult and unpleasant.

After September 11th, we got a whole new government bureaucracy, the Travel Sucks Agency, or TSA for short. Sure they probably keep us safe, but for a while they treated every person that was flying as if they personally had a hand in bringing down the World Trade Center. Score one for the scumbags.

Then, uber-douchebag Richard Reid tried lighting his laces to blow up a plane with a bomb in his shoes. After that, travelers had no choice but to subject their shoes to a good dose of x-rays, and their feet to a dirty airport floor. Scumbags – two, frequent fliers – zero.

Well, those intrepid little bastards have done it again. Thankfully, those pricks weren’t able to blow up any actual planes. However, since their evil plans included using explosives disguised as common objects, now, anything with liquid or gel is forbidden on aircrafts. Water? Banned. Toothpaste or hair gel? Forget it. Contact lens solution? Nope.

It’s a sad day indeed when deodorant is contraband.

So now, most of us poor, thirsty and dry-eyed passengers will have bad breath and reek of BO. If that isn’t bad enough, since there is gel in K-Y Jelly, joining the Mile-High Club is just became damn near impossible.

Great. Won’t travel be fun now? Score one more for the bad guys.

But all is not lost. Much to the relief of brand-new mothers everywhere, the TSA has generously decided to allow breast milk on planes. I can’t even imagine how long the lines would be if all new mothers had to be milked in the name of security. It’s probably only a matter of time until those clowns come up with exploding breast implants.

To the bastards that just can’t stop making air travel worse, I award the prestigious GFY award. C’mon guys, can’t you just join a fantasy football league or something?

(First day back, TWO GFY awards! Ahhhh!! It’s good to be back!)

Author: frenchy