With the Rally receipt in hand, I knew it was time to get serious. Even though a year seems like a lot of time, when your current physical state makes even couch potatoes look fit, there’s a long road ahead. First order of business? Drink a beer. My last beer for a long, long time. That’s how I know I am serious. Somehow through my travels I have managed to inflate my skin to Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man proportions. That day I changed my diet to stop eating a ton of crap every day, cutting almost everything good out (except for the nightly Macallan toast – sometimes tradition is more important than fitness.)

MMMmmmmmacallan!!

In addition to my radical diet change, I  started an exercise regimen that I am still following to this day. Because I need a goal for motivation to exercise, my friend Pat and I have entered the Warrior Dash in December. According to the website, the Warrior Dash is: “A mud-crawling, fire-leaping, extreme 5k run from hell. Warriors conquer extreme obstacles, push their limits and celebrate with music, beer and Warrior helmets.”

Evidently my next beer will be on December 3rd after crossing that finish line. Not sure what the hell a Warrior helmet is, but there will probably be a picture of me wearing one, hopefully not next to the dude grabbing his own special Warrior Helmet in the above picture. Before I got Dan’s APC Rally email, I never would have even considered running a race, especially not one with flaming obstacles. Now it is a good interim goal on the road from fat to fit.

So the fitness thing is coming along, and will continue to. That is half of the equation. The other half? Riding in the dirt.

Last year, Fiona and I decide being responsible is overrated, so instead of saving responsibly, we blew all the money we were planning to retire with on a toy hauler trailer and two ATV’s. I promoted this idea as our very own economic stimulus package. Always happy to do my part to help the country continue.

Mobile Desert Assault Vehicle with Retirement Busting ATV’s.

The Mobile Desert Assault vehicle and assorted toys were the best investment we could’ve made, considering the economy spiraled right down the toilet, and the retirement fund we should have been contributing to would have lost at least the cost of all these fun vehicles. As my friend Scot once said, “For all you dumbasses that lost everything when the stock market crashed, I guess spending all my money on whiskey and women wasn’t such a bad idea after all, was it?”

Indeed.

So my lovely bride-to-be and I started riding on four wheels. It was a welcome break from traipsing all over the world’s pavement on Rain Cloud Follows, and we had (and still have) a hell of a time playing in the desert.

One thing is certain. Playing in the desert doesn’t substitute for training for a 7000km rally. And, I’m just no good on four wheels.

I’m Standing On… A Yellow Submarine… A Yellow Submarine… A Yellow Submarine…

 Play time is over, at least for now. It’s time to suck it up and learn how to ride in dirt. Other than my frequent wrong turn, off-road excursions on Rain Cloud Follows, I have exactly zero experience riding sans pavement.

Rain Cloud Follow Right Before Leaving The Giant Stranded At The Riverside.

About a month ago my APC RAlly dirt training began in earnest; we loaded the Mobile Desert Assault Vehicle with one four wheel vehicle and one two wheel vehicle, and the first of many, may training sessions began.

First Time Riding Mid-Wife Crisis

The first session went well. I didn’t stuff myself into a tree, I didn’t need LifeFlight, and I almost had fun, once I relaxed and figured out how completely different a dirt-bike is from a street bike. I put 100 miles on Mid-Wife Crisis the first day, and another 100 on the second.

The second day we ventured onto the harder trails, and by the end of the day we were hitting the black diamond rated routes. I found that as long as I constantly told myself I could do something, I could do it. A huge hill? I can do it! And I did. A steep descent with hairpin turns and a giant cliff on one side? I can do it. And, I did. I only dropped the bike a few times, which I completely expected, with no damage to man or machine. Sleeping Beauty stayed behind me the entire two days with the first aid kit close by, just in case.

We never needed the first aid kit, at least not this time. I’m not jumping huge gaps and wheelying just yet, but I am getting more and more comfortable on my new toy.

The APC Rally covers a lot of dirt trails in Australia, but one portion in particular has my full attention – the 500km of giant dunes and fine sand of the Simpson Desert.

Training for this part of the rally will take the Mobile Desert Assault Vehicle and company to the closest thing to the Simpson Desert – Oceano Dunes SVRA for some sand riding and hopefully, a fair bit of crash-proofing.

More! Click here!

Author: frenchy

One Response to “APC Rally – Where to Begin?”

1. Shack says:

   December 13, 2011 at 10:30 PM

   Glad your having fun.

   Reply