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Porn!
Dear Ducati,
Please, I beg you… stop mailing me porn. I am sure you and your Ducatista marketing geniuses know all us hopeless porn addicts, in fact I bet you creeps have a list. I can only imagine how my name made it’s way onto this nefarious collection of deviants.
I’ve been working hard to recover from my addiction for almost a year now, and sending full color pornography such as this doesn’t help:
It’s just too tempting!!
I mean, just LOOK at those curves!
OK! OK!
February 9 and 10, huh??
MUST RESIST!!!
DAMN YOU Ducati, how do you know I have a weak spot for redheads…..
I am too weak. I know it. I will give in.
How Ironic
Mistakes happen. Hell, I make them all the time. In fact, I am sure some would say I fuck up pretty much on a daily basis.
I found out about this particular mistake this past Monday. As the Faithful Fifteen undoubtedly know, this past December the WWE went back to Iraq for the Fourth Annual Tribute to the Troops. For the rest of y’all, look for the ‘Iraq IV‘ posts in the December 2006 archive.
Well, during the afternoon on Monday, I received this email from the WWE Vice President of Technical Operations (posted here with his generous permission):
Dear Marc,
Due to an unfortunate error, you were overpaid (A substantial – yet undisclosed – amount) in your tribute to the troop’s paycheck.
In order to rectify this error, the company will need to remove the above amount over the next six paychecks.
I sincerely apologize for this situation, and understand that you will have questions. Please find me at TV to discuss.
Thanks for your patience in this matter.
OK. As I said before, mistakes happen. Sure, this is a pretty big mistake, but it’s just money after all, and do I REALLY need to eat every single day for the next six weeks?
Enter the irony. That very night at the RAW TV, I found out we were dropping an EVEN MORE SUBSTANTIAL yet undisclosed amount of money – REAL CASH MONEY – on the audience as part of a story. 
Still think wrestling is fake?
Once I found out about this, I couldn’t help myself… I e mailed the Vice President of Technical Operations this response:
Subject: MORE IMPORTANT E MAIL
Dear Sir,
Due to an unfortunate error, I placed the (substantial – yet undisclosed – amount) , mostly in small bills, in a box to be delivered to you in Dallas. Somehow this box ended up being dumped on the audience last night.
In order to rectify this situation, please see the Dallas audience, as I am sure they will be more than willing to turn their erroneously gotten gains in. I sincerely apologize for this error.
I’m sure you have questions. Please find me at the ESPN NASCAR compound to discuss.
Frenchy
Hope I still have a job, or I will REALLY find out if eating every day is a necessity.
And The Rest…
The further south we went, the worse the weather was.
Suddenly Fiona screamed for me to stop the 4x4x4x4. With some difficulty, I did, assisted by antilock brakes. Somehow, Eagle Eyes spotted a herd of moose – or is it meese? – behind some trees, approximately fourteen miles away.
At least we think they were moose, they cold have been cats or camels or aliens. Who the hell knows for sure? But they were still pretty cool to see.
Snow swirled and drifted all over the road, making driving interesting. It was pretty hypnotic.I think Eagle Eyes was in fact hypnotized, there really is no other excuse for missing the huge herd of caribou we came upon grazing right beside the road.
Even further south the snow stopped swirling and started sticking. The road got slippery. No fun anymore, even in the 4x4x4x4.
At this weird Igloo building, we decided that it was time to turn around and head back to Fairbanks. The sun was starting to set, the snow was starting to stick, and there was really no hope of seeing Mt. McKinley anyway.
On the way back, the snow stopped and we made it back to Fairbanks.
The coldest temperature we felt was on our last day in Alaska. -24 degrees means time to go in any language.
Alaska is beautiful, even in the dead of winter. There is no doubt a return trip is in order.
Denali
The scenery just got better and better.
And then, after 150 miles of snow covered two-lane road, we made it to Denali National Park.
What a disappointment! All but the first three miles of this Connecticut sized National Park were closed. I think we startled the ranger in the Visitor Center when we walked in. He said we were the fourth visitors he’d had that day.
Ah well, another reason to come back to Alaska this summer.
We checked into the Denali Dome Home Birthday Boy’s Bed and Breakfast. Continuing the theme of startling people, we found out we were the first visitors they’d had since before Christmas. In fact the regular hosts were vacationing in Florida, with a married couple and their fifteen month old keeping an eye on the place for the winter.
Though it didn’t bother me much, it felt like we were intruding on this family. We soon left to go have a very forgettable birthday dinner at the ‘good’ diner in town. I can only imagine what the ‘bad’ diner must be like.
The locals in Fairbanks were right, there really wasn’t much to do in Healy. After exhausting all possible avenues of entertainment, we decided to drive back into the mountains and get some pictures of the stars in the light free skies.
I’d say we did pretty well.Last Resort
Yeah, get that snow outta here!!
Halfway between Fairbanks and Nenana -the next small town – is this little bar. Unfortunately it was closed until January 25th. Looked like it would be a good place for a birthday drink or three.
Looks like fun to me! We’ll have to come back when it’s open.
We stopped in Nenana for lunch. Unfortunately they didn’t have anything as colorful as Skinny Dick’s, but they do have a lottery called the Nenana Ice Classic.
Basically, people guess when the ice in the Nenana river is going to break apart. Last year, breakup happened on May 6th at 5:36 PM. The person who guessed closest to that time won a jackpot of $250,900!
We couldn’t find the place to place a bet.
Onward to Denali National Park!Tags
