Frenchy's Rant

Yass is the answer.

The question? Fiona, did you see the king parrot?

“Yass!”

How about the ring-tailed possum in the tree?

“Yass!”

And the Koala, which we were informed in no uncertain terms is not a bear?

“Yass!”

Was dessert good?

In unison, “Yass!”

Frenchy, want another Victoria Bitter?

“Yaaaassss! Yaaaaassss! Of course! It’s the secret to my stellar physique!”

The next morning, Dan did his best to recreate the Exxon Valdez disaster, while his GS impersonated an old Harley. After heading approximately five miles north towards Mudgee, he suddenly pulled over.

Captain Danny Oilypants and His Loose Filler Cap.

With a sheepish smile, he said, “You know, after I checked the oil this morning, something just didn’t feel right when I put the cap back on. I guess I should’ve done something about it, huh?”

All things considered, he took it well. The petrol station we pulled into to top off didn’t like his cleaning method much, but in a sticky situation, ya do what ya gotta do!

More empty, smooth and scenic roads blurred by on our way to the town of Mudgee, the last stop of this ride. Well, the roads were mostly smooth, with some loose stuff thrown in for a bit of extra excitement.

Fiona Captures the Real Feeling of Being in the Southern Hemisphere

The newly painted Yama-busa dual-sport adventure-tourer handled the short gravel excursion well, and, I am happy to report, came out scratch free.

Route discussions became more common as we neared the end of our vacation.

Don’t look at me, I’m only a follower here!

I had to make sure that my claiming of this tiny island for the vast Kingdom of Rhode Island was properly recognized by the authorities.

Even in Opposite World, I learned that no matter how much fun you’re having, the sun still sets.

Fortunately, the big orange ball took it’s final bow of the Best Day Ever just as we pulled into Mudgee.

How the Hell Does All This Stuff Fit On One Motorcycle?

Also fortunately, the rest of the night was a fun blur, thanks to a generous and well stocked bottle shop, and some tired, thirsty riders.

The next morning, the big orange ball was up long before we were. What did I learn from the previous night’s excess?

Nothing, really…

And, awaaaaay we go!

As usual, Dan saved the best for last. The Putty Road, a funny named little squiggle that winds through Yengo National Park is without question one of the top five roads in the world that I’ve had the great pleasure wadding up neither motorcycle or rider on.

That Putty Road is a lot of fun, but also a lot of work, with corner after corner flying up in rapid succession. I took an opportunity at one of the many warning signs set up for squidly riders that like to ride the Putty Road too fast and wad themselves up to teach Dan a thing or two about cornering.

I’m sure it helped.

As I said, the Putty Road is a lot of work. All that work sure makes a guy thirsty. If only there were a conveniently located pub at the end…

Sadly, the end of the Putty Road was pretty much the End of the Road for our ride. We fought increasing amounts of traffic, nearly became roadkill on a few occasions, but somehow parked our motorcycles at Dan and Maxine’s just in time to watch the sun set on Sydney Harbor.

Best Day Ever? Without a doubt!

Our Entire 10,319.979 Furlong Route

Rhodestralia is BIG!

We learned plenty on our short trip through Rhodestralia, but there is no way that anyone can learn enough in eight short days. Sleeping Beauty and I are already ruminating over the idea of returning to Rhodestralia to study for our Master’s degree.

Until then, G’day, mates!

And on the Third Day, we really started to get our learn on. The first thing I learned was that even for such a big country – (and by big, I mean you could literally fit two-thousand four hundred fifty and a half Kingdoms of Rhode Island inside Australia, with a bit of room left over for a few bottles of Autocrat coffee syrup and some Del’s lemonade. That’s BIG big!) – anyway, for such a big place, forecasting the weather is easy. From the hot lady talking weather-head on the morning news:

“And now, today’s weather. Rainy on the east coast, sunny just about everywhere else. And now, in sports…”

Seriously. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard the same forecast at home, but this forecast was for the entire country!

That’s a big place.

The morning dawned cold and clear. Deciding to let the thermometer add a few more C’s to the readout before heading west towards Threadbo and the Snowy Mountains, we ambled out on a walkabout, looking for some ‘brekkie’ and stumbled across a little diner displaying this sign:

Any place displaying one of these gets my business.

Here is brekkie:

And here is what is cost:

A few other frosty bikers came in for coffee, and Dan asked them about the mountain road conditions.

“Oi, mate. Just came down from Threadbo. Bloody cold! The mountain roads are wet, and icy in the shadowy bits. Might get better as it warms up, might not. G’day, mate!”

Great.

After some discussion, which mostly consisted of the word ‘no,’ followed by lots of persistent whining from the French contingent, a decision was made. “Let’s go to Threadbo and find out the conditions for ourselves before Frenchy implodes.” It’s probably the first victory in history that the French can claim.

Bugs Get In My Eyes…

The altitude climbed, and the temperature fell. Soon a light dusting of snow was visible on the sides of the road.

I love roads like this. I was happy we weren’t dissuaded by our friends in the diner.

I let Dan and Maxine get far, far ahead, and swooped the Yama-busa deep into the corners of this incredible mountain road. This road was one to be savored, like a fine wine, a good meal, or a trio of high-priced Thai hookers.

It was that good! I felt like Fiona and I were alone, the only two on the whole planet and it felt divine. (By the way, she’ll kill me for that Thai hooker reference when she reads this…)

Concentration was at its maximum, but so was my smile.

The road was so good, Sleeping Beauty even stayed awake for most of it.

We finally caught up to Dan and Maxine, pulled over on the side of the road. Dan, pointing to a field, motioned me to slow down, saying, “Frenchy, there’s kangaroos in the field. A whole mob of them! Look!”

Sure as shit, there they were! Dan was right. There was a mob, which is technically what a herd of ‘roos is called. And they were alive! About thirty of the pouched marsupials were hopping and grazing right in front of our eyes!

Spectacular! Awesome! Incredible! Woo-friggin-HOO! What else can I say? KANGAROOS!

And the best part? Maxine refrained from shooting any of these so-called ‘pests.’

With ‘Seeing Kangaroos’ safely checked off the list, there was only one more order of business for me to complete for this trip to truly be called a success, which I was able to carry out less than an hour later.

Welcome to the Kingdom, Rhodestralia!

I also claimed Dan and Maxine as ‘Honorary Subjects of the Kingdom of Rhode Island.’

The rest of the day continued to be the Best Day Ever.

The easy-to-find and wildlife-infested town of Yass was our second to last stop on our whirlwind tour of Rhodestralia.

And OI! What a stop it was!

Finish it up already, will ya! Click here!

It’s amazing how big Australia is. Big and empty. We rode for hours down the Sapphire Coast the next day without ever seeing another soul, topless or otherwise. Not once did we see a car, no trucks, no cops… nothing but twisty roads, bright sunshine, and… our first kangaroo!

Fiona and I were positively giddy, because we were convinced there was no way we’d see a kangaroo during this trip, and very early into the second day, we did. Sure, our first one was dead on the side of the road, kinda smashed in, fly covered and a little gross looking, but hey, it was a kangaroo, and for us that was really something.

When we pulled over, Fiona and I were practically squealing, we were so excited. Maxine, a real, veteran Aussie, was much less impressed. “Kangaroos?” She shrugged, “Ehh… Back on the farm we used to shoot kangaroos all the time. They’re pests!”

Pests or not, dead or alive, kangaroos are cool.

Seeing one of these bunny-pigs would be cool too.

We followed the Sapphire Coast road all the way to the town of Eden, stopping only once to give man, woman and machine a well deserved rest by a very deserted beach.

Then, onward to Eden.

Eden: 25 Kilometers or 124.274 Furlongs Away

Another thing I learned about Australia is it is incredibly green and lush, at least along the coast. Don’t know about the outback, because we never got there, but the places we rode were surprisingly green.

Green, except for the places the leaves were changing.

May is the beginning of Fall down here, and that’s just the beginning of the differences between the Kingdom of Rhode Island and Opposite World. That’s right, Oz is Opposite World. Why do I call it that? For example, unlike home, the toilet water does swirl down counter-clockwise Down Under, thanks to a little something called the Coriolis Effect (I present this fact to you for free. Now you’ve learned something too!) There are other differences between lands, such as the friendly natives that came up to us wherever we stopped to offer route advice. Actually, I guess that happens all over the world, but anyway, these places are pretty different.

If you can’t tell, I really am hating my time in Opposite World!

At Eden we turned west, and started heading inland.

My Hair Only LOOKS Grey.

The entire second day was spent in blissful wonder, winding through sublime, deserted roads, admiring the scenery, and Sleeping Beauty and I started to slip into what almost felt like… vacation mode!

The inland town of Cooma became our home on Day Two, after the obligatory toast we went to bed anticipating what the next day would bring; mountain roads, snow, and a unique marsupial encounter of the very best kind.

Still interested? Click here for the next part!

Early to bed, early to rise may make a man healthy, wealthy and wise, but all it does for Sleeping Beauty is make her grumpy. Unless, of course, the wake-up call comes from one of Dan’s wild-yet-somewhat-domesticated neighbors, the Laughing Kookaburra.

The call of these birds sounds a bit like laughter, and a bit like those cheesy jungle soundtracks that used to be in Tarzan movies. Fiona said she’d wake up happy every day if only she could wake up to a Kookaburra call. Not sure what that says about me… but anyway…

Dan has a family of six Laughing Kookoobirds that perch on his sill every morning and beg for food.

Ancient Aboriginal legend states that a visit from a Laughing Kookaburra at the start of a trip is a good omen for that trip to be successful and fruitful. Actually, there is no legend like that at all, I just made it up. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story!

Dan explained the route before we left, but most of the town names ended up sounding to me like YabbaDabbaDooLingGong and GabbaGabbaBingBong. I finally told Dan to forget it. I’d just trust him. I brought a map of Australia, and asked him to mark the route before we left. He just laughed.

I learned right then that Australia is a big place. Really big. The circle Dan made on my map was roughly the size of a dime. It was as if I’d bought a map of the entire US to ride from the Kingdom of Rhode Island to New York City and back.

Funny stuff. Time to go!

Sleeping Beauty, Frenchy and Maxine the Ninja Gearing Up.

First stop? Across the Sydney Harbor bridge to the Opera House for a highly illegal group photo.

No Stopping? That’s Not Stopping Us!

After that, we started to follow Dan’s well laid out plan. For a change, I was a follower on this trip, behind Dan’s BMW GS 1100 and Maxine’s BMW F650. I learned that Dark Meat Snack has it made back there, just cruising along, without a care in the world.

Of course, riding in the OH (Other Hemisphere) does include a few distractions. Kilometers, for one. Kilometers don’t mean anything to me. Kilometers per hour don’t either. I don’t get it. Distance may as well be measured in furlongs, and speed in furlongs per fortnight, it’d be just as meaningless.

Then, there’s the whole ‘wrong’ side of the road thing. It’s tough to adjust, but that’s probably just because I’m stubborn. Roundabouts, or Circles of Death, proved to be exceptionally tricky, as I never seemed to be looking in the same direction that traffic actually came from. But my desire to live overcame my stubbornness, and I was able to pilot the Yama-busa more or less correctly.

By far, the worst distraction of all was Dan’s route. Our entire first day followed the beautiful coastline of New South Wales.

Don’t get me wrong, Dan is a master route planner. The roads and scenery were top rate. The problem with riding by beautiful beach after beautiful beach?

All the beaches are topless.

‘Nuff said.

I hadn’t ridden with Dan in over two years, so it’s no surprise I’d forgotten all about those ‘Zen Riding Moments’ that only seem to occur when I ride with him.

Fortunately, I was reminded of those Zen moments halfway through the day. Our three bike train danced its way through a seemingly endless succession of beautiful, sweeping curves.

An electric smile grew ever wider on my face, goosebumps rose all over, and a small tear formed in the corner of my eye. I was so in the moment and so happy to be finally riding a motorcycle in Australia with Fiona right behind me that I was shivering. All at once, Sleeping Beauty thumped on my leg and gave me a giant thumbs up, while up front, both Dan and Maxine pumped their fists in the air in unison.

It was absolutely perfect.

Later I mentioned to Dan how I only seem to have those Zen moments when I ride with him. Wisely, he replied, “That’s why you shouldn’t ride with others.”

The town of Narooma became the end point of Day One, stopping at a beautiful hotel overlooking the ocean.

Upon getting this room in Narooma, I started really appreciating Australia’s Milton-Bradley based economy.

It’s a good thing they use Monopoly money in the Land Down Under, because everything in the Land is so bloody expensive! The room cost Fiona and I $189 for the night.

Gasoline, or petrol, cost on average $1.29 a liter. A liter is a unit of measurement much like the furlong. Meaningless to a Seppo like me. All I know is there are a LOT of liters in a gallon, which means a gallon of go-juice cost me about as much as putting a house on Park Place would.

I’m not even going to talk about the price of a good bottle of whisky. Fortunately I brought my own, so that was never an issue.

We toasted the Best Day Ever from our balcony, then toasted everything else we could think of, from curves to California to kangaroos until darkness fell on the great land of Aussie.

Oi! Oi! Oi!

Click here to read how the education continues in the Sapphire Coast.

One thing I didn’t know about Australia before we left – time travel is involved in getting there. Sleeping Beauty and I boarded the United 747 in Los Angeles on Wednesday evening, flew for fourteen hours, and arrived in Sydney on… Friday morning?

Does this mean I’m even older now? Ugh.

Dan met us at the airport, and soon the three of us were on a whirlwind tour of downtown Sydney.

Dan and I on the ferry. Somehow, Dan looks younger than he did in California, and I look three months pregnant. Must be the new camera.

After stuffing ourselves with meat pies, our second-to-last mission of the day was to head over to Bikescape and pick up my rented ride – a newly painted 2005 FJR.

Newly painted? A rental bike? What could that mean? Freshly crashed? Why else paint a rental bike? Well, crashed or not, this bike looks pretty sweet! It reminded me of a bike I used to own; the sweet motorcycle I traded in to get Rain Cloud Follows.

I dubbed this Aussie rental bike the Yama-busa!

Driving on the wrong side of the road in the opposite hemisphere presents a certain set of challenges; challenges I was ready for after last year’s foray into Scotland. Despite a few close calls, I made it back to Dan and Maxine’s house without the need to re-repaint the Yama-busa. I could only hope to keep this bike in the same tip-top condition for the next five days.

Out the window, we watched as the sun slowly slipped below the horizon in Sydney harbor. There was just one thing left to do before our official Australian Education began – toast the Best Day Ever with some great friends.

Dan, Maxine, Sleeping Beauty and Yours Truly

Click here to read about the fun, the riding, and the education, Aussie style!