Frenchy's Rant

Australia.

I know a few things about this mythical, far-off land. For instance, I know they play football by their own set of rules. Speaking of rules, their steakhouses, out in the back, apparently have no rules, and are just right. I also remember from a song that ‘beer flows and men chunder’ in that mythical, far-off land down under.

One other thing I know about Australia is my longtime riding buddy Dan moved there from California two years ago.

I met Dan at a stop sign on Topanga Canyon Road on a rainy afternoon waaaay back in 2003. I still remember that day like it was yesterday, which is surprising, because most days I have trouble recalling my own ZIP code.

It was early June in 2003, and the WWE was in Los Angeles for a show (Yes, I’ve been with the WWE for a long time, in fact this is my eleventh year of slingin’ the sound of sports entertainment around.) On a whim, I decided to stay in Los Angeles for a few days and rent a motorcycle, with the vague notion of riding up the Pacific Coast Highway.

Of course, it rained. Even all the way back in 2003, Mother Nature had it out for me. Rain! In California! Ah well, a little rain never stopped me before! I sloshed my way down Topanga Canyon Road, and saw an immaculate, wet white BMW RS 1100 pulled off to the side, the soggy rider on his cell phone. I motioned to ask if he was OK. He nodded, then offered to meet me for coffee at nearby Neptune’s Net, a famous stop on the Pacific Coast Highway.

Over coffee, we swapped stories and bitched about the rain. Dan offered to take me on a great ride – Route 33 – because he thought it might be sunnier there. It was both sunnier and a great ride. To this day, Route 33 is one of my all time favorite roads on this giant ball of dirt.

Instead of going directly to the airport after returning the rental bike, I ended up waiting for my flight home at Dan’s house. Over a few beers, my new friend and I scratched out a plan to ride to Alaska the following year. I guess that the ‘beer and map-kin’ practice has been in place for a while now too.

Exactly one year to the day we met, Dan and I mounted up and headed north from Los Angeles on a 20 day, 7000 mile round-trip Alaskan motorcycling adventure; filled with laughs, beers, bears, fires, flies, and of course, rain.

Fast forward to a few years ago, just as my stalking of California’s own Sleeping Beauty finally seemed to have paid off – meaning she actually started returning my calls. I was starting to think of the possibility of maybe even having a future in the Golden State, when Dan told me that he and his wife Maxine, an Australian native, decided to leave LA for the greener pastures of her far-off homeland. This was disappointing, because I figured Dan and I would have plenty of time to ride if we became neighbors. Some things just don’t work out like you plan.

Since that emigration, Dan and I have kept in sporadic touch, as you do with a friend that lives on the other side of the world. We exchanged emails on birthdays, ride pictures circulated through cyberspace, and occasional, very-long-distance phone calls circled the globe as we did the best we could to bridge the gap.

Back in February, a very short email from Dan found its way around the world and into my Inbox.

As always happens when opportunity knocks, my mental juggling act began. I thought to myself, ‘Hmm… what am I doing in May? Well, let’s see… I’m riding to Houston in April for Wrestlemania… June is when Dark Meat Snack and I are riding the bikes to the Rockies… So, what is happening in May? Hmm… Nothing very important that I can think of!’

But first I needed to clear it with the boss. I called Fiona, read Dan’s email, then asked what she though. She replied with an enthusiastic “Why not? Let’s go Down!”

That’s my girl!

That simple encouragement was all I needed. Over the next week, the juggling continued. I looked into flights, secured a week off from the Show-That-Never-Ends, rented an FJR, took care of a myriad of other little details, and it was quickly settled.

In early May, Sleeping Beauty and I would go Down Under to learn first hand about this mythical, far-off land called Australia, though hopefully not find out how to chunder.

More Rambling Preamble can be found here.

Fiona and I are off to Australia for six days of riding in the snow covered, cold, frostbitten mountains of… well… of Australia.

I’ve rented an FJR, and plan to claim the tiny island for the Good Citizens of the Kingdom of Rhode Island. I also plan to enter Sleeping Beauty in kangaroo boxing contests, drink as much Victorian Bitter as humanly possible, and, if she survives the boxing bouts, I’ll dare Fiona to eat some Vegemite! That’ll be good for a laugh or two. We’ll also toast the Best Day Ever, but back at home, it’ll be night (and possibly not the same day…)

I’ll have the SPOT tracker on, and if it works all the way over there, you’ll be able to track our misadventures in the land of counter-clockwise swirling toilets at this link:

SPOT Tracker Australian Link

Ride report to follow.

G’day mates!

Finally off to the land down under! Don’t know if those crazy Aussies have the internet or not, so the ride report will probably have to wait until we get back. In the meantime, here’s my video to compliment my Azusa Canyon Milk Run ride report:

Click here to read the ride report.