Frenchy's Rant

“I’d like a margarita, a dinner salad and the grilled tuna, well done please. OK?”

“Certainly. Excellent choices, sir.”

Five minutes later, the waitress returns with two Cokes. What the hell?

I ask my friend – and at this point I am not kidding, I actually believe this – “You heard me ask for a margarita, didn’t you? I mean, I asked in English, right?”

I thought for a minute that I’d figured out why I get Dr. Peppered so often. Maybe I only THOUGHT I was ordering in English, when in fact I was speaking a gobblydegook Martian dialect instead. Maybe she agreed with me because she was too embarrassed to admit she didn’t understand what the hell I said?

But no, he heard me ask. He understood what I wanted, so she must have too. And he heard me ask a second time… and then a third.

The margarita finally apeared, the salad never did, and the tuna was more like sushi than grilled.

I may not know why I constantly get Dr. Peppered, but at least I know it isn’t because I speak Martian. Maybe the waitress was from Mars… that could be it.

Naah, they’re from Venus, aren’t they?

I am not making this up, though I almost wish I was.

Three Arrested at Baby Shower Brawl

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (April 5) – A baby shower erupted into a fight among guests in which one man was shot and several other people, including the seven-months-pregnant guest of honor, were beaten with a stick, police say.

Three people were arrested after the brawl, described by police as a “baby shower gone bad.”

Police said the shooting victim, Aristotle Garcia, got into a fight with a man who is dating his ex-girlfriend. The argument, over whether the woman let their 5-year-old daughter drink beer, escalated and drew in two other people – Jazz Rivas and Juan Velazquez, said Police Lt. Cheryl C. Claprood.

When the baby shower’s hostess tried to intervene, Rivas began hitting some of the guests, including the 22-year-old mother-to-be, with a large stick, she said.

Velazquez fired a gun in the air, then fired it into the crowd, hitting Garcia in the stomach, according to police. Garcia, 26, was in stable condition at Baystate Medical Center. The mother-to-be was treated after the incident Saturday and released. Velazquez, 19, was arrested Tuesday and charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, armed assault with intent to murder. He had not yet been arraigned as of Wednesday morning.

The man Garcia was initially fighting with, Antonio Santiago, 25, pleaded innocent to similar charges on Tuesday and was ordered held in lieu of $50,000 bail.

Rivas, 22, pleaded innocent to three counts of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and one count of assault and battery on a pregnant female. His bail was set at $10,000.

You honestly have no idea what day it is, what city you woke up in, what city you were in the night before, or where you’re going next.

You finally break down and wear the last clean pair of socks in your suitcase, and throw every other pair away, because they can pretty much stand up on their own.

A nearby Target or Wal-Mart seems like a Godsend, because you ran out of deodorant a week ago, and can replace your all your socks.

Your suitcase is missing a zipper/handle/wheel, and you don’t have time to send it out for repairs because you have a full month of work ahead, and don’t want to drag the “big” suitcase around for that whole month.

Getting trapped in an elevator at 3AM after your tenth straight day on the road is hilarious.

The mark of a superior hotel is twenty-four hour room service.

You forget your room number, because you’ve been in five different hotels in the past five days.

You angrily present your Marriot room key at the front desk, because it doesn’t open your room, only to be told you are staying in a Hyatt.

You know the difference between a “good” Westin and a “bad” Westin.

You’ll pay seven bucks for a piece of pizza and a soda in an airport, and feel it’s reasonable.

You know every restaurant in every concourse in every airport, and plan your airport arrival time accordingly.

You cringe whenever someone starts a story, “This one time I was on a plane…” because you already know the story, no matter what it is.

You know the airplane exit door weighs 43 lbs.

After a shower, you write “I’m Watching You” on every hotel bathroom mirror, and think it’s funny.

You look out the airplane window and recognize where you are.

News of Delta pilots authorizing a strike – not GOING on strike, just authorizing one – makes you break out in a cold sweat.

The guy at the airport parking lot booth knows you by name.

You dial 9 for an outside line at home, realize the milk in your fridge expired five weeks ago, and wake up in your own bed wondering where the hell you are.

You can measure your time home between flights in hours instead of days.

And finally, even though stupid and annoying things are happening around you every day, you somehow run out of things to blog about.

Looks like my Baja motorcycle trip will be delayed until the fall. My original plan was to ride from May 24th to the 27th. Plenty of research went into the trip, routes to take, sites to see, ect. But as they say, the best laid plans…

According to a Baja “expert” I emailed today:

Well, I have both good and bad news for you.

First, the good. May is a great time to travel in Baja. Great weather & wonderful hospitality abound just about anywhere you go.

Now the bad part, you’ve chosen the week before the Baja 500 off road race.

Northern Baja is over run with racers and pre-runners at that time. In my opinion that is a very dangerous time to be off roading around Baja. The official race course is marked and not only are the racers out practicing but so are the yahoos who wish they could race.

The hotels fill up, the gas stations run out of gas, the restaurants run out of food, and they never have enough staff for the demand. Basically, during a big event or just before is probably the worst time to plan a trip to Baja.

Leave it to me to pick the worst time to plan a trip to Baja. No rooms, no food or fuel (and most likely no beer) means no Baja until the fall.

But wait a minute…. The Baja 1000 race is in the fall. No doubt another “worst time”, but I DO wish I could race the Baja 1000… Yahoooooooo!!!!