Frenchy's Rant

Yesterday I woke up early. Instead of doing the smart thing and rolling right back over and getting more healthy beauty sleep until the alarm hit, I got out of my comfortable bed and actually went to the hotel fitness center. This has to be some kind of awful midlife crisis or something, whatever it is I hope it passes quickly.

I ran like a rat on the treadmill, and then lifted a few various weights and used assorted torture implements, until I was nice and sore.

After subjecting myself to this self-torture, I went back to my room to wash off all the blood -err, I mean sweat. To be honest, I was actually kind of happy that I’d gotten up and done something. While I was congratulating myself, I noticed the message light blinking on the room phone.

I had two messages. The first was just a phone slamming down, the second one, twelve minutes later was a good buzz-kill. An unfamiliar, angry sounding voice said, “Thanks a lot for leaving your alarm on, YOU ASS!”

Dear Northwest Airlines,

Times are tough, right? They must be, since you’ve started charging an extra $15 to sit in an exit row. Seriously, this has to be your smartest policy ever! You (and your many debtors) must be so proud. Paying $380 for a regular seat just isn’t enough?

This new policy will keep exit rows filled with rich, able-bodied people, so that in the event of a sudden unplanned descent followed by a rapid deceleration – say, on a mountainside somewhere – those fat-walleted flyers can get out first. A great strategy to retain paying customers!

What’s next? A clean blanket and pillow surtax? Oxygen masks with coin slots? Passing a hat for gas money before takeoff? You could even charge passengers extra for delays, since they are on the plane longer! Honestly, now that you’ve opened the door to fleecing frequent flyers, the sky really IS the limit!

Congratulations on making Delta Airlines look compassionate. To receive your prestigious Frenchy’s Rant GFY award, please send $15, or better yet, comp my next exit row seat.

Yes, I actually sent this letter to Northwest Airlines today, can’t wait to hear their response!

I broke my “Stress Ball” today.

What the HELL does THAT mean?!?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK!