This is the second in a series of letters I am sending to various companies. I hope this one works out!

Guinness & Co.
St. James Gate
Dublin IRELAND 88

Dear Mr. Sir Alec Guinness,

Your beer is the absolute best! I love the way it makes me feel, from the very first creamy pint right up until the tenth or so. Any more than that, I usually find myself crumpled in a heap in the gutter, or I wake up with several black eyes. But that doesn’t stop me from loving your beer! No sir! In fact, it is all a part of what I like to call the ‘Mighty Guinness Adventure.”

Each little pint of heaven contains only 210 calories! People on diet plans can substitute a pint of Guinness for a cup of skim milk and still lose weight. Brilliant!

But that’s not why I am writing today. I noticed that Guinness sponsors American Basketball (most likely called something like ‘Handball‘ in Ireland, the same way that American Soccer is known as ‘Football‘ over there.)

I am one of the lucky few working on the crews that televise those NBA games. I was wondering if it would be possible for me to be sponsored directly. For example, in exchange for wearing a Guinness brand T-shirt and hat to all NBA games, you could supply me with a home tap and keg system, and free beer for life.

I know for a fact T-shirts get results. Once in Alabama, a local resident read my shirt and mistook me for a genius! Had I been sponsored, I would have replied, “Why yes, I am a genius, thanks to Guinness!” Another Brilliant! idea if ever there was one.

Please get back to me as soon as possible to discuss keg and beer shipment, as well as discuss other endorsement opportunities.

May the Force be with you, noble Jedi brewmaster!

Frenchy
Emmy Award Runner-up Audio Mixer

PS: The old man version of Obi-Wan Kenobi was my favorite! Except for Chewbacca!

Author: frenchy