It’s unbelievable! First, my friend Mr. Nunu contacts me out of the blue to have me stand in for a recently deceased bank customer in Ghanna, and now, I’ve evidently won a secret internet-only lottery! If this incredible lucky streak keeps up, I’m gonna buy a lottery ticket!

Here’s the e mail I received (and the funniest thing of all was, it was sent to this blog’s e mail address… something that nobody EVER uses! Seriously, I think it’s the third e mail I’ve ever gotten for this blog. Awesome!)

–:ATTN–WINNER:–

YOU ARE THE-WINNER OF EASYDRAW,POSTCODELOTTERY-HELD ON THE 20TH MAY,2008,THROUGH AN EMAIL BALLOT SYSTEM ORGANIZED FOR ALL EMAIL USERS, WITH TICKET NUMBER: 6331/LK2,BATCH NUMBER: 32442, AND PRIZE NUMBER: H63/008.

CONGRATULATIONS,YOU HAVE WON THE SUM OF EURO 1,000,000.00!! (ONE MILLION EURO).

NO TICKETS WERE SOLD.THIS PROMOTION IS ORGANIZED BY POSTCODELOTERIJ-NL THE NETHERLANDS,TO ENCOURAGE INTERNET USERS.THE SELECTED E-MAIL ADDRESSES WERE ATTACHED TO TICKETS NUMBERS WHICH WERE SPANNED BY OUR BALLOT MACHINE,AFTER WHICH YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS IS ATTACHED TO THE ABOVE NUMBERS. PLEASE, KEEP YOUR WINNIG INFORMATIONS CONFIDENTIAL,SO AS TO AVOID DOUBLE CLAIMS.

CONTACT BELOW MENTIONED OFFICE BY E-MAIL OR TELEPHONE,FOR CLAIMS,WITH YOUR NAME,TELEPHONE/FAX AND YOUR WINNING NUMBERS TO:

……………..

CONTACT PERSON: Dr.DAVID MATOYA.

Contact Email: remitvsnsbnk@aim.com

TELEPHONE: +31-659-002-044.

Dear Doctor David Juan Julio Jesus Montoya de la Mañana!

What’s up, Doc??

Wow! I won!

I never win anything, at least not until now! Usually I get about fifteen scratch tickets at the liquor store while buying my Camels and Thunderbird, but ever since gas prices have gotten so ridiculous, I’ve had to stop with the lottery ticket purchasing. We all have to do our part to save the environment you know! Plus, most of those damn tickets were losers anyway.

So, wow! I won One Million Yuros in a contest I didn’t even enter! Awesome!! How much is that in real money? Is it enough to buy a new trailer? My old one was destroyed in a recent earthquake/monsoon/tornado Weather Channel disaster-o-tainment ratings buster. I don’t mean to bring you down, but I lost everything, including my daughter Dorothy and her dog Toto. On the bright side, I got to be on TV! It was horrible – not the being on TV part, I mean the whole losing everything I owned and loved part.

But now all that is in my sorry past. This email has changed my life from the worst ever to the best!

I went to your website (http://www.postcodeloterij.nl/) and it looks kinda gay. All the words are all funny, I cant read one of them, and the guy standing next to that tree, you know, the tree that keeps shooting out scooters and iPhones? That guy looks like a real homo. I’ve never been to Nether-netherland. Isn’t that Michael Jackson’s famous amusement park/little boy sleepover party place? I think Michael Jackson is probably a homo too. Are all homos rich? I thought that bastard was bankrupt, but I guess not, if he can afford to pay out lottery winnings! Now that’s what I call a Thriller!

So, how do I get my hands on the cash? Don’t worry, I’ll keep my winnig, and my WINNING information confidential. I’ll do whatever you want, just send me the Yugos! Let me know ASAP, OK Doc?!?

Sincerely,

Snickerdoodle F. Rumplemintz

PS: By the way, even though I am now rich too, it in no way means I am a flamer, so don’t get any weird ideas.

Author: frenchy

One Response to “I Win Again!!”

1. Stan-Rhode Island says:

   May 26, 2008 at 11:10 AM

   Glad to hear you won all that money. Just remember to help your poor friends.

   Poor Friend
   stanri

   Reply