First off, thanks to the ‘Enlightened Eighteen’ that have joined the book club. Yes, a little bit of shameless cross-promotion, but if it works for the WWE (and it does, evidently) than why not? If you haven’t checked it out, please do, and leave some comments!

ANYWAY… here is yet another story about how stupid travel has become. (Yes, that’s about all I write about anymore… I know…)

Since those industrious terrorists in England were stopped from blowing up planes with common liquids, gels and aerosols, security has gone from mildy annoying to completely bizarre.

Three examples of how bad it has become:

Saturday, on my way to Canada, there was a serious breach of security on my plane. Despite numerous safety checks, an older, well dressed gentleman managed to smuggle contraband on board. Nervous passengers reported the man to the flight attendant, who summoned the Keystone Kop-like TSA. The hyperactive agents took the man off the plane and searched him and his carry on before clearing us to take off.

The contraband item? A Starbucks Soy Latte. Seriously.

Canadian Security (the CS-eh?) take the newfound liquid, gel and aerosol (hereafter referred to as LGA) threat even more seriously than the TSA. In the US, there are ridiculous signs and announcements alerting the traveling public to the dangers of LGAs and how, for safety’s sake, they are no longer allowed on aircrafts.

The CS-eh? have taken it a step further.

Entering the security check point, there was – I swear I am not making this up – a table with shampoo bottles, toothpaste, Red Bull cans, bug spray, bottled water and a few other examples of exactly what LGAs are. A stern faced Mountie (or whatever they like to be called) addressed each passenger as they walked by the table, saying, “You can NOT bring any of these on the plane, eh?”

Finally, as I was waiting to leave that ridiculous country, (remember that Canadian dollar are called ‘Loonies’) I tried to buy a bottle of water.

Now I know that I have to finish the water before I board the plane… they have pretty much drilled that fact into my head. God forbid I get a little rowdy and pour some water on nearby passengers – or worse, on the floor where it will rust through in a few years, causing an international incident.

So, I walk to the cooler, full of Evian and Dasani and Aquapod and Contrex and a few other brands. As I am trying to decide from the many choices, the cashier, an older French-speaking woman practically runs over to me. With a serious expression, she says, “You can buy a water, yes? But, for security sake, I must pour it from the bottle into a cup.”

She did her part for the safety of the world, and the flight left without incident.

The terrorists have won. That much is evident. I can only hope they come up with exploding bras and panties, so that travel might at least become interesting again.

Author: frenchy