Frenchy's Rant

My brother moved to Virginia twelve years ago. In that twelve years he has undergone an almost complete redneck-ification transformation.

Here is the proof:

My Brother

Is it me, or does the headline “Three Killed in Massive Cartoon Protests” sound like it should be coming from the Warner Brothers studio instead of the real world?

And what is the protest over? A cartoon of the Prophet Mohammad, with a turban shaped like a bomb. That’s it. A drawing in a Danish newspaper. And now 70,000 Muslims are burning down everything in sight, including *GASP* A Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in Pakistan.

How many of these people could even point out Denmark, that bastion of radical religious hatred? Hell, I’m not even sure where it is.

You really can’t make this stuff up, though sometimes I wish it was.

Called US Air (Motto: We hate to fly, and we hate you too!) this morning to try and change a flight. My request was pretty simple, or at least so I thought. I wanted to leave on the same flight at the same time, just one day later.

“Uhh… hang on sir, let me see what the fare difference is…”

“Fare difference? Uhh… OK.”

“Mr. Lasord, if you book this flight, the fare difference will be four hundred twenty-eight dollars, plus the hundred dollar change fee.”

“What?!? You’re shitting me, right? Five hundred and twenty-eight dollars extra to leave one day later? Forget it.”

-Click-

Is extortion part of their grand scheme to exit bankruptcy?

Expedia.com had the same extremely overpriced flight listed for a mere $171, which I gladly booked online, without any “help” from customer service.

I have to wonder what kind of drugs they lace the curry with over at US Air’s Department of Customer Screwing, which I am pretty sure is located in Bombay.

Riding season can’t start soon enough.

Dear Punxsutawney Phil,

Well, I guess I owe you an apology, don’t I? Last week I called you a punk and threatened you with extermination. Well, I take it back. I’m sorry, you little scamp. And while I am still not happy about your delaying riding season by six weeks, I have to say that you were right, considering the two feet of snow that fell in my back yard. Ten days after your shadow sighting, winter returned with a vengeance.

I guess the shadow really DOES know. Next year, try not to be such a big chicken, OK?