Hello from Planet Football!

I left planet Earth two days ago, and arrived in Auburn, Alabama. This is officially Planet Football. College football to be specific.

Auburn is a very interesting little college town, full of RABID football fans. It’s incredible, the whole town is walking around this morning dressed in orange, ready for the BIG GAME! I didn’t realize that the Auburn football club is the SEC Champions… But then why would I know that?

Today’s contest features the Auburn Tigers against the excellently named South Carolina Game Cocks. Serious entertainment here on Planet Football!

Parking lots are full of RV’s, complete with blinking AUBURN orange lights, and drunken tailgaters that will most likely be passed out during the game. ORANGE ORANGE ORANGE is everywhere!!! Go TiGeRs!!!! Some brilliant person is making a FORTUNE on the rabidness of the Auburn fans.

Yesterday at lunch, the owner of the restaurant bought the entire ESPN crew lunch, as a thank you to us for televising the games and making the world a better place. Then she took the unusual step of inviting the whole crew to her house (seriously!) for a cocktail party. I didn’t go, because I was afraid of getting drugged and waking up in a bathtub full of ice, missing my kidneys… Nobody is that nice, especially to a TV crew.

But everyone says hello on the streets as I walk by. People are throwing footballs at each other on every lawn… College girls are peddling donuts on every street corner (seriously!) It’s bizarre, but cool at the same time.

I stopped in a little coffee shop for breakfast. I was conspicuously the only person wearing black, and I stuck out like a sore thumb. Nodding to my black shirt, the waitress asked me in a low whisper, “Are y’all from Los Angeles or sumthin’?”

I thought about saying that orange AND black are both Halloween colors, and I was just trying to fit in. But I didn’t want to risk the ire of the South, who still haven’t gotten over losing the Civil War, so I kept my mouth shut.

Walking to the staduim, I witnessed another strange Planet Football ritual. A battle of the bands, or more correctly, a battle of the sound systems blaring marching band music. A van, painted orange and complete with speakers and of course a nine foot long tiger tail was driving around with the Tiger Fight Song (or something) blaring. A VW Hippie Bus, also painted orange with speakers (but sadly no tail… where’s your spirit, hippies??) pulled next to the Tiger Tailed van, and a war of the speakers commenced, to the delight of every Tigers fan within five miles. I had to wonder what the Game Cock fan-vans would look like in South Carolina.

Then, I passed a family taking pictures of their little son in front of the Auburn University sign. Instead of having the kid say “Cheese!” they had him say, I swear I am not making this up… “AUBURN!”

Woah. My bizarro meter is pegged.

Just for the record, the Tigers beat the Cocks (c’mon… I had to do it…)

This visit to Planet Football has been nice, but I am ready for the return trip to Earth.

Author: frenchy

2 Responses to “Planet Football – October 1, 2005”

1. Vicki Cassidy says:

   October 10, 2005 at 1:17 PM

   Frenchy! I passed this on to my friend Mike who works in Sports Marketing at Auburn. I know he is going to laugh when he reads this.

   Reply
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