During the off-season – that is, the off-motorcycle-season – the days endlessly,monotonously, painfully drag by. Cars, or ‘cages,’ replace bikes though solely as a means of transportation. Everything turns gray. But now that spring is here, it seems it was just a few short days ago I was covering the Yamaha for it’s long winter hibernation.

Those long winter months, while excruciating in their dull drudgery, didn’t go completely to waste. Abi and I have figured out some pretty ambitious riding plans for 2008, including a run to Nashville, riding in Scotland (!!!) and of course, the long awaited Nova Scotia expedition in June. Before that however, we though it would be a good idea to get in a little spring training, and since it was Bike Week in Daytona, we could easily kill a few birds with one stone.

Gearing Up For the ’08 Season

What is Bike Week?

For some, it is the semi-official start to riding season. For others, it’s this great American tradition where a bunch of fat, middle-aged, balding dentists throw their bikes on a trailer, drive that trailer down to Florida, unload the $30,000 Kustom Krome Kreation in a hotel parking lot under cover of darkness, then streeeeetch on the ol‘ leather chaps and ride around like a total badass for a week, before trailering the bike 50 miles back to the safety of the garage.

But that’s getting ahead of the story. First we had to get to Orlando.

Cleveland was iced in. I don’t know why, but the worst winter storms always seem to strike on Wednesday, the day we travel home from a WWE event. The only reason I can think of is Mother Nature hates me.

Though it was a sloppy start, we eventually left the crummy Cleveland weather behind, and migrated south for a warmer climate, and to start our pre-season training.

Before plunging headfirst into the wilds of Bike Week, our reunited riding group headed to the Kennedy Space Center – for two reasons. First, the space shuttle Endeavor was on the launch pad, which I thought would be a great photo op, and second, it’s another destination to cross off my list of ‘Places to Never Visit Again.’

Why? For starters, admission is pretty steep, at $38 a person. Then you get on a bus. Any tour that includes getting on a bus automatically sucks by default. At least we didn’t have to wear gay name tags while aboard the stupid bus. The stupid bus takes you to an ‘Observation Tower,’ which would be cool, IF, at that observation tower, you could actually OBSERVE the space shuttle! But no, they’ve hidden all but the very top part of that orange thing from the observers. It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that facing the entire shuttle towards the tower makes more sense.

You could spend even more money to take the longer and stupider bus tour and maybe get to see what trillions and trillions of our tax dollars have paid for, but of course that tour sells out by 8 AM every day, proving that suckers must get up pretty early.

Just for the record, Endeavor blasted off at 2:38 on Tuesday morning, and we weren’t there to see it.

But at least we got to see this crapulent balsa-wood-and-modeling glue replica of the real thing.

And they have movies. Really boring, really bad ones that were filmed long before my first visit, many years ago. The movies are the kind with the cheesy music, and are filled with lines like, “Yes, little future astronauts, dreams really can and DO come true.”

BARF!

The only good thing about the Kennedy Space Center was the astronaut is still there. When I was a kid, my family took a vacation to Florida, and one stop on that trip was the Space Center. My brother and I got our picture taken with two ‘astronauts’. Even now, thirty years later, I still remember that photo as being one of the highlights of that trip. Hmm… I guess maybe I haven’t always been this cynical.

What a handsome kid!

Well, one of the two astronauts was still there, and I managed to sneak a free picture with him.

Yes, I’m wearing the same socks in both pictures!

And though the Original Stormbringer was safely home in the shed, the skies darkened once again, indicating it was time for us to blast off for home. This is how I know for certain that Mother Nature hates me.

Stormbringer, 1200 miles away, under cover in the shed.

I would love to meet the marketing genius that came up with ‘The Sunshine State’ slogan for Florida. I bet they could also market heroin as ‘The Ultimate Weight Loss Program.’

Needless to say, we got soaked on the ride back to Abi’s.

Tomorrow, we brave the untamed wilds of Daytona Bike Week.

Author: frenchy