November 28th, 2005

Sheffield Day 2 – Part 2

After successfully becoming a Virgin (UK cellular customer), I returned to the Hilton with everyone else. They wanted to take another nap and freshen up before dinner (I am reasonably sure that their idea of “freshening up” included sampling some of Amsterdam’s finest, conveniently smuggled out of Denmark by one of the crew in a VERY personal place. Thanks anyway, guys.)

Abi called as soon as I returned to my room. He had been visiting family in London all week, and was ready to go for dinner. He had just arrived to the Hilton from the train station, and said he was starving. We decided not to wait for the rest to ‘freshen up’, and left.

I had enjoyed a good dinner at an Italian place, oddly named ‘Ask’ the night before. We decided to go there, because I knew it was both a good place to eat and more importantly, it would be open. The sun was setting as we walked up the hill and I snapped this picture:

Beautiful! We watched the sky change from pink to orange to red, then start to turn purplish-blue.. We arrived at Ask as the stars and moon were starting to come out.

The waitress from the night before came over and said hello, which impressed Abi, until I told him it was probably the fact that I gave her a ten pound tip on a thirty pound bill. He laughed about that.

Abi told me a story about driving in London. It seems he was driving his cousin’s car when they passed a speed trap. The police motioned him over to the side. Abi and his cousin were informed that there were 1300 pounds in unpaid fines on the car. The police run every license plate that goes by to catch offenders like this. His cousin was furious, because the fines were all racked up by her boyfriend, unbeknownst to her. She had to pay the fine immediately, or the police would impound the car. While the cop was going to get the credit card machine (that’s right, they have a credit card machine at the speed traps. Convenient, isn’t it?) another police officer asked to see Abi’s license. He showed his Massachusetts driver’s license, which is worthless in the UK. The cop informed Abi that the fine for not having a license was going to be an additional 200 pounds! This little trip was getting pretty heavy, up to 1500 pounds already!!

The second cop disappeared while the credit card was run, and was gone a while. Finally Abi was told that it was “too complicated“ to give him a ticket, so he would be let off with a warning, “since they both looked like decent people and all.“

We finished our dinner, then went back to the good old F&P for yet another Guinness (yes, it is a pattern…. I know, but I like Guinness, what can I say?) The pub was so smoke–filled that it was unbearable. There was a sign outside the pub that said “Smoking Allowed Throughout“, which actually made me laugh. I have seen many No Smoking signs, but never a Smoking is OK sign. We decided to go to Cavendish Pub instead.

The dreaded black clad bouncers were outside. These morons are the reason that I hate England. Seriously. These idiot’s sole purpose in life is to reject people from going inside their overpriced bars and buying beer. For real, that’s what they do. We were stopped at the door and told the bar was “couples only” I told the guy we were a couple… a couple of guys that wanted a beer.

The cretin didn’t even laugh, just shook his enormous, rock filled head and pointed down the road.

We made our way down to a place called Yates, which was fortunately bouncer-free. We had a few Guinness, talked about our still-forming riding plans for next season and beyond, and had some good laughs. After our second Guinness, one of the cretins came in and looked around. I guess every bar hires these idiots to keep paying customers out or something. This bouncer had showed up and found us, but since we were safely inside and paying customers, they couldn’t just throw us out. The creep walked around and when he got to our table, he menacingly clicked a hand-held counter at us. When we finished up and left, he said, “Goodnight now, fellahs” which clearly meant we wouldn‘t be welcome back in.

Angered and fueled by a few Guinness, we made it a mission to get past one of these morons. We slowed at the next bouncer we saw, and tried to casually walk past him. He held up his enormous meat hook and shook his head. Abi, getting a little angry demanded “Why not?” The bouncer looked us up and down for, tiny wheels turning in his tiny brain for a good minute or two. Finally he pointed at my feet and grunted, “No dress shoes.”

Dress shoes? Whatever.

Disgusted, we walked back towards the hotel, loudly complaining about how much England sucks.Suddenly it came back to me. I had been to Sheffield before, about five years prior. The same thing happened to us back then. A group of five or six Americans were denied entry into every pub and club we tried to get into. Back then I was a bigger smart-ass than I am now, and after being rejected a third time, I yelled at the bouncer, “If it wasn’t for Americans, you all would be speaking GERMAN right now!!!”

Needless to say, that didn’t go over so well. Fortunately I could run much faster back then too…

Abi and I found an Irish pub across from the Hilton that had no bouncers. Inside was a gaggle of elderly people, waiting for the night’s musical entertainment to start. We decided to stick around and see what the band was like.

When the guy picked up his electric-red accordion, I knew it was time to cut our losses and call it a night.

Tomorrow, work, at last.

Author: frenchy

Frenchy's Rant

Ride – Rant – Repeat

Sheffield Day 2 – Part 2

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