Recent Posts Archives SubscribeSearchCategories
May 28th, 2008

Today’s Lesson

The lesson: Reply to Spammers and you get more Spam. Shocking, I know. Well, thanks to my reply to Mr. Nunu and others, now I’m getting more and more of these silly messages every day. That’s OK. I find it a fun creative writing exercise to respond to these dumbasses. Here is the latest scam email I received, this time from – I am not making this up – someone named ‘The Honorable James Brown’:

NOTIFICATION OF PAYMENT VIA ATM CARD
This is to officially inform you that we have verified your contract file presently on my desk, and I found out that you have not received your payment due to your lack of co-operation and not fulfilling the obligations giving to you in respect to your contract payment.
Secondly, you are hereby advised to stop dealing with some non-officials in the bank as this is an illegal act and will have to stop if you so wish to receive your payment immediately.
After the Board of director’s meeting held in Abuja,we have resolved in finding a solution to your problem.We have arranged your payment through our SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTRE in Europe, America, Africa and Asia Pacific, This is part of an instruction/mandate passed by the Senate inrespect to overseas contract payment and debt re-scheduling.
We will send you an ATM CARD which you will use to withdraw your money via ATM MACHINE in any part of the world,and the maximum daily limit is Fifteen Thousand United States Dollars($15,000.00).
However, Note that this method of payment will be granted if it is acceptable to you for the release of your contract/inheritance entitlement. In View of this, you are advised to contact the Director (CBN, IRD, and ATM) DR.USMAN SHAMSUDEEN for further information with the following contact details:
Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen
Minister, Federal Ministry Of Finance,
Telephone line: +234-8032787700
Email: drusman@y7mail.com
If you like to receive your fund this way, Kindly reconfirm your
1. Your full name.
2. Phone and fax number.
3. Address were you want the ATM Card to be sent. (P.O Box not acceptable) 4. Your age and current occupation
We shall be expecting to receive your information as you have to stop any further communication with anybody or office.
Thanks for your co-operation.
Best Regards,
Dr. James Brown (Hon.)
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA
CC: SENATE PRESIDENT
CC: ALL FOREIGN PAYMENT OFFICES
CC: BOARD OF DIRECTORS [CBN]
CC: ACCOUNTANT GENERAL OF THE FEDERATION

My reply:

Dear Godfather of Soul,

I am replying to your recent email about my lack of co-operation. I really think the reason I have not received my payment is due to your lack of sending money to me. I’m very co-operative, in fact, I won the Jean E. Laverty Citizenship award for being most co-operative in middle school. Twice.

Is Mr.James Nunu a non-official with your bank? Do you even know him? If so, tell him I am sorry about everything. He emailed me a long time ago about some rich but deceased bank customer or something, but it was a very fishy sounding deal. Your deal, however, the deal with the fraudulent ATM cards, seems much better to me. And besides, after my second email where I mistakenly called him Mr. Noodle, poor Mr. Nunu never got back to me again. I think I made him sad. Either that or he got caught and beheaded by the Ghannan government for trying one of those cheesy 419 email scams. Which really sucks, because as I told him, the scientific research lab we had in the back of my trailer accidentally caught fire when Cletus left the Bunsen burner on too long while evaporating a huge batch of pure crystal meth mixture for research. I need that money for a new trailer so I can watch Oprah again. Anyway, enough about me. Where is Abuja? Is the weather nice there? Do you have clean beaches? Or, is this one of those places where they put flaming tires around people they don’t like? I hope not. That seems pretty scary.So, if I have this right, you’ll send me an ATM card that I can withdraw $15,000 a day with? Awesome! That sounds too good to be true! But since your email says you have a Board of Directors and everything, I am sure this scam is legit. How many days can I use this card in a row? What do you get out of it besides the peace of mind that comes from a job well done? The only problem I can see right now is, since my trailer burned down, I really don’t have no real address nomore. Can you just send the ATM card to the red pickup truck parked at the Wal-Mart? Barney the Mailman will know it’s me.

OK, Mr. James Brown, honorable Godfather of Soul, I will be eagerly waiting to hear from you!! RSVP soonest!

My confirming information is below:

Snickerdoodle F. Rumplemintz
(205) 555-2121
Red Truck, Wal-Mart USA

CC: Barney the Mailman

CC: Cletus the Methman
CC: Mr. James Nunu
CC: Mr. James T. Kirk

CC: President of Starfleet Command

Share

Author: frenchy

3 Responses to “Today’s Lesson”

  1. Josh says:
    September 8, 2010 at 11:54 PM

    Since completing my Iron Butt Bun Burner last weekend and reading on the net about different trips and finding your blog, I have been hooked! Your writing style, seemingly personality, great group of friends, and trips have inspired me. The more I read, the more I enjoy, as we are similarly thinking individuals. Then I read this post, and it hits way to close to home. I used to offroad race in a rock racing series called the XRRA with Ben and TJ(team “Homegrown” if they hadn’t mentioned it), and you were wheeling in my back yard! I hope our paths cross on the backroads one of these days Frenchy and we will definitely toast to the “Best Day Ever” with some scotch in a plastic glass! Cheers buddy!

    Reply
  2. Frenchy says:
    September 22, 2008 at 8:30 AM

    Wait a minute… you mean you won too?!? Well, I have to tell you, it’s been a long wait and no ATM card yet. Don’t get your hopes up too much.

    Reply
  3. Kelli says:
    September 22, 2008 at 1:32 AM

    Fuckin awesome man. I just got thst same fuckin e-mail haha!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

© 2009 Frenchy | BlogBeast Theme by RichWP.com