At Mohegan Sun Casino on Tuesday, I had one of those things happen to me that really piss me off when they happen to someone else.

I sat down at a slot machine, and put $20 in. This machine had the option, by playing five lines at once, to lose all your money quicker than normal. When I sat down I thought the machine was a quarter a line, but before my first spin I realized it was a dollar a line. Ooops.

I figured what the hell, and hit the ‘MAX BET’ button.

My very first spin came up with three sevens and three ‘Triple Bonus’ multipliers.

And… nothing happened for a second. I’m convinced slot machines are programmed to consistently show a jackpot on a line you didn’t play. I figured this was one of those times I hit the wrong button, and this was the slot machine’s way of saying, “Ha Ha! You’re an idiot and a loser!”

A second later lights started flashing and the machine started making BINK-BINK-BINK-BINK noises like it was going to explode with excitement. The words ‘CALL ATTENDANT‘ blinked, and a crowd started forming around me. Woah, this is gonna be good. The lady playing the machine next to me threw up her arms and walked away uttering, “Motherfucker!”

More people started crowding around. One lady said to me, “Good for YOU! Congratulations!” Congratulations for what? Hitting the MAX BET button? Gee, thanks. It was pretty tough. Another older guy said, “I hope you took them for a lot!” Some people looked excited, others clearly had that addict-gambler look of, “I hate you! That should’ve been me!”

The attendant came over, and took out a huge wallet. It seems that a seven and two triples, along with two other sevens and a triple is worth $800. He counted eight crisp Benjamins out and put them in my hand. Now I can afford to park for a week in New York City!

I was pretty happy with my new fortune, until later that night. Some clearly drunk guy was staggering around the casino shouting “WAAA HOOO!” Security was following him, talking into their hands like the Secret Service.

It didn’t take long to find out the reason the guy was so happy.

“WAAAA HOOOO! I just won FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS on a dollar slot!”

I shot the man my deadliest “I hate you! That should’ve been me!” look on the way out of the casino.

Author: frenchy