Welcome back to the Winter X Games, where the second day of racing, this time on skis, is in jeopardy. Seems that when it snows -it slows- as in slows the race course down. And that blows, quite frankly. Apparently, it also keeps the crowds away, at least that’s what everyone is telling themselves…

The Crist brothers, our favorites, are asked to evaluate the course’s raceworthiness. They drop in, and are SLOW! The eight inches of fresh powder blanketing the course has taken all the speed (not to mention good effects sounds) away. The two brothers look like members of the Powder Pandas kiddie training as they sluggishly drift down the course. There’ll be no need for Slow Motion replays today, provided they have the race at all.

After their agonizingly slow run, one of the Crist brothers, (I’m not sure if it was Jesus) said to the other, “Yeah. I’ll fuckin’ try that jump next time. What’s the fuckin’ worst that could happen? The snow is so fuckin’ soft and slow, there’s no fuckin’ way I can get hurt.”

So brave! Such strong and colorful language! Jesus Crist, you’re my fuckin’ hero!

Just race today, so I can go home!

There is a lot of discussion, various contingency plans are made. Who can stay until tomorrow? What if they run the race later, when does the sun set? Nobody knows what is going to happen.

Thankfully, at noon, the racers line up for the first qualifying race. They are going to have the event! Jesus Crist, Thank You!! I won’t have to stay another day!

The races are run, albeit slower than normal. My carefully placed microphones don’t pick up much in the way of racing sounds, because there isn’t much in the way of racing sound to pick up.

At one point, our director makes a request to Pat, the main mixer.

“Pat, can you give me more crowd noise in the mix? I know there’s nobody here, but give me more, OK?”

Right. I hesitate to remind them that more nothing is still nothing. It’s too bad my boisterous fan from yesterday didn’t return.

And with the last run, we have a winner, and are almost ready to leave. But first, we have to cover what I consider the strangest thing of all. After the final race is over, for some reason, there is a consolation race. This race determines the best of the rest I guess, the fastest losers, it determines the hotly contested seventh through tenth place winners, and most importantly, the aluminum, magnesium and zinc medal recipients. The most confusing thing is, this race of the also-rans doesn’t ever air!! All it does is delay strike, which delays our exodus from the great winter vacation known as the X Games, and most importantly, delays our DST (Drink Start Time) by a half hour.

“And that brings the Winter X Games to a close, at least for me and the rest of Venue B. This has been Frenchy, the smart-assed and sarcastic submixer reporting live from the spacious confines of HT-2. Good night, and good luck.”

Author: frenchy