Airline Safety – Part One

In the month of January alone, I flew over 14,000 miles on Delta Airlines. Every single one of those flights started with a safety briefing, the extremely optimistic speech from flight attendant about what to do in the event of a crash. For people too dense to understand these ridiculous demonstrations, the airlines helpfully provide cartoons. But the cartoons don’t have captions.

Until now:In case of Peeping Tom, light house on fire, or alternately, display strange modern art.

If you REALLY can’t figure it out, just stay home, moron!

In the event of boredom, complementary bongs will drop from secret stash, followed shortly by snack tray.

If you managed to make it all the way to step ten, realize you are still in the middle of the ocean, and in for a VERY long night.

For Happy Landing, shake handle vigorously using this motion.