Frenchy's Rant

Instead of writing a bunch of nonsense about how my first ever day of riding in the sand went, I thought it’d be much more amusing to post a video of said nonsense instead.

Enjoy!

The Saga Continues! Click HERE!

Sand.

Even the word makes me itchy, never mind the idea of trying to ride a motorcycle in it. According to the site, the 2012 APC Rally will include a long-ish dash through the challenging, dry, and extremely large Simpson Desert. This is the first image that came up when I Googled Simpson Desert:

With the Rally receipt in hand, I knew it was time to get serious. Even though a year seems like a lot of time, when your current physical state makes even couch potatoes look fit, there’s a long road ahead. First order of business? Drink a beer. My last beer for a long, long time. That’s how I know I am serious. Somehow through my travels I have managed to inflate my skin to Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man proportions. That day I changed my diet to stop eating a ton of crap every day, cutting almost everything good out (except for the nightly Macallan toast – sometimes tradition is more important than fitness.)

MMMmmmmmacallan!!

It started like most adventures for me usually start.

First I realize that I am starting to get bored, then something magical happens to snaps me out of the doldrums. This time, to help me through the descending funk, I’d been reading Adventure Rider about various intrepid and/or foolish souls that sink gobs of their own money chasing their dream of riding the Dakar Rally. The Dakar Rally is without a doubt the toughest, most grueling contest known to man, and looks like one hell of an adventure. Stretching 9000 KM through Argentina, Chile and Peru, these intrepid/foolish souls race for 14 days in some of the most inhospitable terrain the planet has to offer.

Blogging quiet spell broken, at least for a bit! Congratulations if you are one of the one people that still check this dormant site. Now, on with the update!

So, what’s been happening in the world of Frenchy? In between bouts of planning for my impending nuptials this coming spring (an event that I have considered blogging about – until I realized that if Sleeping Beauty read the blog, there would be no wedding…) I have been having the greatest time enjoying my mid-life crisis with something I’ve always wanted since I was a wee lad; I’ve been riding a dirt bike.

But, you say, wait a minute! Soon, you’ll be drowning in bills for your wedding, an event that will surely dwarf Kate and Willy’s little royal shindig. How on Earth were you able to get away with buying a dirt bike (Nickname: Mid-Wife Crisis) with that enormous extravaganza on the horizon??

Funny you should ask.

A month or so ago (it could actually have been three months, a year, or more… I’ve realized there is no such thing as time anymore… but that’s another story.) WWE did a show at the Mohegan Sun casino in Connecticut. After lunch, rather than reporting directly back to work as I am supposed to, I instead reported directly to the nearest slot machine, inserted a very hard-earned $20 bill, and pressed a different kind of magic button.

Here is what happened on the very first spin:

Two 7’s and a Double Jackpot! Wow! Fuck! I won on my first spin! (Dontcha hate people like that? Me too.)

While lights flashed, bells rang, and I ducked to avoid the throngs of weirdos that suddenly wanted to touch me for luck, I looked at the little red readout to see how much two 7’s and a Double Jackpot was worth.

I learned this combination was worth exactly $400! Coolness! Then, I realized something else. Each spin on this slot machine cost $5. Which meant… I had won a LOT more than I thought.

Faster than I could say “Luck never gives; it only lends,” two thousand thoughts swam through my muddled brain. I COULD do something stupid with this free money… go bet it all on red at the roulette table; waste it on rented chairs for the Reception of the Century; book *gasp* dancing lessons for said Reception; join the Macallan of the Month club; pay off some rapidly-piling-up bills… all stupid and bad ideas.

So instead of doing something stupid with all that money, I perused craigslist and came up with this little gem:

Mid-Wife Crisis
In other words, I bet my money on red, and came up a winner! Best Day Ever.

And until either my Tarnished Bronze VISA company takes it away or my lovely bride-to-be demands I take dancing lessons, I’m going to ride the hell out of this thing as much and as often as I can.

More later…