Standing around waiting at baggage claim, Jason – one of the original Faithful Fifteen said, “Damn, Frenchy, being on the same flight as you, I thought I was going to witness firsthand one of your travel rants.” “Oh? You must’ve missed it then, because...
“Please take out all liquids, gels, aerosols and pastes, place them in a Ziploc bag, and put them in the bin separately,” the automated TSA robot droned at us early morning travelers. 4:45 AM is without a doubt my favorite time of day to fill my Stupid Quota, and the TSA never...
Having flown a few hundred million times, I have nearly the entire ‘Pre-Flight Safety Briefing’ memorized. You know that useless spiel contrived to inform half-wits on such important subjects as the proper method of seat belt buckling (put the flat end in the metal buckle, to...
Ever have one of those days? The kind where you sit parked on a runway for hour after hour after hour because it’s raining someplace and they don’t want to get their precious plane wet? The kind where you finally get to your connection city only to find that you’ve...
Pre-takeoff announcement from the captain on this morning’s flight: “Welcome aboard, ladies and gentlemen. We’re glad to have you with us today, mostly because our airline really needs the money. We’ve got some of the best flight attendants in the industry working...