As luck would have it, my return to the wacky world of WWE this week took place in Orlando. Furthering that streak of good luck, the rocket scientists at NASA had, with a hand full of well-intentioned tries in the past months, consistently failed to launch the Space Shuttle Endeavour. The next in a string of regularly scheduled launch attempts was the same day I arrived in Orlando. The final piece of good luck: Dark Meat Snack lives in Orlando, and was ready and willing to go watch a launch of STS 127 (a.k.a the SS TaxDrain.)

For a refreshing change, Delta pitched in and actually did their part; launching not one but a record two flights on time, all without a single mechanical problem, landing my dumb ass in Orlando with plenty of time to spare. After dodging a bunch of mouse-eared tourists on my way out of Orlando’s ‘Rookie Traveler’ International Airport, Dark Meat picked me up and we were on our way directly to Point Jetty, rumored to be a great place to watch a launch.

Hmm… a beach in Florida, bright sun shining in a crystal blue sky, on a pier with sight lines to the actual launch pad. Yep. I’d have to agree, Point Jetty is a fantastic place to watch a launch, among other things.

The view to the pad.

What else can I say? So far, it’s the Best. Day. Ever.

I should point out, as others had pointed out to me, Abi is considered to be the Human Shuttle Delay. In five attempts to witness a launch this year, Abi’s launch view record is zero and five. But, with all the good luck leading up to the launch, I felt fairly positive this day would be different. With everything that went right so far, what could possibly go wrong?

Recently, NASA decided to get hip, and now they Twitter. I followed NASA’s Twitters all day, waiting for that one stupid thing that would throw a wrench into the works. Sample Tweets from the NASA Twits included:

‘Fueling is underway. Space shuttle Endeavour is scheduled for lift-off at 7:13 p.m.‘

‘No indications of leaks, as in previous launch attempts. Fueling process is nearly complete for Endeavour.‘

‘Astronauts are being strapped in to the space shuttle. All is on target for a launch at 7:13 p.m.‘

And on and on it went, the string of ‘All Systems Go’ Tweets was so overly encouraging that I started getting a little nervous.

While sitting on the end of the pier, waiting and anticipating more nerdy NASA Twitters, I watched a few successful launches.

The Love Boat – Making Another Run

The Miss Cape Canaveral – Loaded With Anxious Potential Launch Viewers

Booze Cruise Sailboat

Watching these launches, my confidence level rose. If these companies (and drunken sailors) can successfully get underway, what could possibly go wrong on the other side of the harbor at Starfleet Command?

While roaming the pier, Dark Meat and I ran into Faithful Fifteen Rant readers Jason and Tina, also back to work in Orland for the WWE shows. We passed the time alternating between checking for new NASA Twit Tweets and watching the official NASA countdown clock on our iPhones.

What a bunch of nerds we are.

Helpfully, Tina pointed out a thick band of dark black clouds that suddenly appeared to be massing to our west. Fuck. I chose to ignore the clouds that would probably rain on my parade, and started thinking even more positive thoughts. With twenty-five minutes until T-Minus Zero arrived, the Tweets started sounding a little less positive:

‘No technical issues. Monitoring weather. Must be clear for 20 nautical miles of Shuttle Landing Facility for launch.’

Still upbeat, I saw what would turn out to be my last positive sign, a pelican flying overhead. If the weather was good enough for a pelican to fly, surely NASA, that brain trust think-tank chock full of really smart people could get a spaceship into orbit, right?

A Pelican Braves the Extreme Florida Weather.

Wrong.

With twelve minutes until launch, in a tersely worded statement, the death knell Tweet Twittered out from the NASA Twats:

‘SCRUB – no liftoff for space shuttle Endeavour today. Weather did not cooperate. Next try is Monday at 6:51 p.m.’

With that message, Dark Meat Jinx’s record dropped to zero and six, and I got plenty pissed off. I yelled across the harbor, “The last thing of any value the space program gave us was Velcro. Before that, the best you did was Tang! Losers! Get your shit together!”

OK, so… let me get this straight. The Space Shuttle is a craft designed to orbit the Earth and last in the harsh environs of outer space, right? This reusable space plane has tiles that shield is from the insanely intense heat of reentry. But, for some reason, this same hardy craft can’t launch if it’s cloudy out? Now, I’m no rocket scientist, but it seems to me that someone who IS a rocket scientist should have taken Florida’s more-or-less predictable clouds and crappy weather into account when they started this $170 billion dollar debacle of a program in the mis-named Sunshine State.

For that silly and blatantly obvious oversight, as well as for wasting a perfectly good chunk of my time and tax dollars, I feel I have no other choice than to dust off a piece of the distant past, and award the egghead knuckleheads over at NASA their very own, first of 2009 GFY award:

Congratulations, NASA on a hard earned, well deserved achievement.

Author: frenchy